CARNIVALE (141)

PRE-SHOW
BLAISE FADER VS. DICK

Blaise tries her best to beat Dick, but Dick just beats her.

WINNER: Dick via Pinfall (4:44)

The scene opens to a shot from inside of the Infinite Energy Arena. A slow carnival themed tune plays over the arena that was been completely transformed to simulate a circus. As far as the eye can see, various games are set up throughout the scene, as well as some rides. In the center of it all, the ring sits underneath a large red and white tent hanging overhead. There are no sides to the tent, just the top. Scanning the crowd, the camera focuses into various signs held throughout the arena.

THE CONGLOMERATE
IS FINE

5 DOLLARS
B U S T E R

UNAPPRECIATIVE
POTATOES

WHERE’S
NIRVANA

BIG TOP
TOMMY

I CAME FOR
THE MYA DENTON
CLOWN GANGBANG

At the booth, out trio sit in their places ready to call tonight’s special attraction evening. Things take a different course as the camera shot transitions to the center of the ring. Standing in the middle of it all, Mike Powers is shown dressed in full ringmaster attire from head to toe. With a mic in hand, he circles the ring, speaking out to the crowd.

POWERS: ”Ladies and gentlemen! Boy and girls! Children of all ages!”

Stopping himself, Powers thinks to himself for a moment before shaking his head.

POWERS: ”Children of all ages above the limit that Miles Blake prefers! Come one, come all to the greatest show on Earth! CARNIVALE!!!”

The crowd cheers as they stand to their feet mixed throughout the amusement park themed scenery.

POWERS: ”One night and one night only, 4CW brings to you, a spectacle for you to remember for many days to follow. Hell, maybe even months but probably no longer than a year. While others have been timid to feature an event in this setting after the recent travesties of another Carny act and the infamous Mya Denton, 4CW dares to venture into this crazy land of carnies and freak shows minus the gangbanging activities!”

He chuckles, pointing to the crowd.

POWERS: ”Tonight isn’t just about the freaks you might find at an event as such.”

His hand travels to his right, pointing to the freak shows in attendance tonight. We have Gordy swallowing what look like to be swords but are actually shaped closer to what he grew to love while being incarcerated. We have little CeeJay dressed in a monkey costume sitting on a small stool smoking a cigarette as the nearby fans throw nickels at him. Then there’s Indica Nevaeh, the BIGGEST Twitter lesbian to ever walk the face of the Earth. Let’s not forget about dog boy Freedumb. The whole gang was here for the crowd to belittle like any other crappy circus act.

POWERS: ”Oh no, it isn’t about them and their failures in life. Tonight is about Octane putting together a fine event for you all to enjoy. We have three championships on the line tonight! From the Tag Team, to the Ignition, and we can’t forget about the Octane Championship. They’re all on the line tonight in matches like no other!”

Walking to the side of the ring to his left, Powers looks up to the skies.

POWERS: ”In front of me you have the tallest scaffold to ever be set up for a one of a kind scaffold match where the Tag Team Champions, Battle Born, will compete against the challenging team of Seth Daniels and Ric Greene… MINORITY STATE!!!”

Powers turns the opposite direction and walks to the other side of the ring. Stopping at the rope he points straight ahead where a cannon is sitting.

POWERS: ”Over here we have a once in a lifetime match as there will be someone shot from that cannon in a match later tonight! We have the challenger, coming to us all from the great land of Ireland… Kaelan Price! She will be going head to head with a circus act all in himself, the Ignition Champion… American Tommy!”

Walking back to the center of the ring, Powers magically pulls out a leather strap from nowhere. Eat your heart out Tommy, now that’s magic!

POWERS: ”And in our main event we have one strap to tie two wrestlers together where the object is to touch all four corners of this here ting simultaneously! We have the reigning, and defending Octane Champion, Kaz Bonham, defending her championship here tonight against the challenger… Bryan Williams!”

And in the blink of an eye, the leather strap vanishes. Mike Powers wasn’t slick though. Plain as day, he dropped it to the mat and kicked it out of the ring. Anyway, he paced the ring thinking to himself for a moment before raising the microphone to his lips once more.

POWERS: ”I forgot to mention the FDIC-Insured Match that will actually take place before the main event. I don’t even know what the hell that is but damnit, we’re going to have one! In the name of FIVE DOLLARS!!!”

Taking a short breather, he looks over the crowd in silence. Slowly raising the microphone to his lips, he yells out as loudly as he can.

POWERS: ”YOU WANTED THE BEST! WELL, YOU GOT THE BEST, THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE WORLD… CCCAAARRRNNNIIIVVVAAALLLEEE!!!”

And with that, a few cheap fireworks go off and streamers shoot into the air. Standing with his arms stretched, Powers looks over the crowd as the scene transitions backstage.

It was pretty festive backstage as Phoenix Quagliaterre sits at her face painting booth, putting the finishing touches on the beautiful Kaelan Laughlin’s face as Phoenix outlines the glittery gold stars with baby blue. With a few more strokes of her brush, she was finished as she smiles at her good friend and presents to her a small vanity mirror so that she can see the finished product. On the nearest wall next to them, the camera films the Ignition Champion taping up posters of Perry Wallace with dicks drawn at his mouth as he mumbles to himself before suddenly bursting out with laughter. We then have half of the 4CW Tag Team Champions sitting next to Kaelan as he looks through the booklet to see how he’d like to have his face painted, the camera zooming in on Cosmo Cooper as he looks up with a greeting smile before looking back down at the booklet as Phoenix waves at him with a stretching smile. Suddenly, there’s a tap on her shoulder as she looks up into the face of a concerned backstage worker who happened to be on his first day with working at the Corners Four.

BACKSTAGE WORKER: ”Excuse me, Miss Phoenix? There is a raging heroin addict running around on the premises and we have alerted the authorities. He’s walking around, gnawing on cardboard and is crying that he’s eating his house… he’s toothless so he may be homeless so please be careful if you step outside.”

Phoenix nods her head at the employee and thanks him politely before she stands up to hug Kaelan for the fifth time tonight before the woman that Phoenix loved screaming, ‘MY US CHAMPION!’ over almost every week, makes her exist from the scene. Cosmo is about to sit in her chair when Tommy comes rushing over and quickly sits in it, saying that he’s ready for his mom to paint his face now. Cosmo rolls his eyes but our lord and barefoot savior is suddenly distracted by the very loud arrival of his Battleborn partner, Jeb Fisher as the backstage workers instantly get shook and get close to the walls to avoid him like they’re in prison trying to keep away from the most feared inmate. Jeb chuckles at the attention and calls him pussy boys before he approaches the booth, asking where can he sit. Santana Ortiz ends up returning with a new palette of face paint and sits on the other side of Cosmo, greeting him with a smile and appreciative of the autograph he gave her earlier. Jeb asks Phoenix if Santana is painting faces and before she can answer, he sits next to Santana and volunteers for her to do it with a huge grin on his face.

Phoenix raises an eyebrow while continuing painting the grinning and giddy Tommy’s face as he points at another color that he wants her to use on him while Santana starts on Jeb’s face. A huge noise is heard outside as it causes everyone to look around until that same backstage worker comes running towards the booth with a nervous smile as if he’s trying to calm them down.

BACKSTAGE WORKER: ”Don’t be alarmed but that homeless guy just ran headfirst into the dumpster while trying to escape the cops. He was wearing a helmet though so that’s the noise that you all heard… I’m worried though because he was foaming at the mouth so he might have rabies.”

THE ‘SUPERIOR’ QUAGLIATERRE: ”I’m sure it’ll be fine. If push comes to shove, we can just have Tommy make him disappear with his wand.”

Tommy gets extremely happy over that and bearhugs Phoenix as soon as she finishes his face, telling her that she’s the best mom ever before he goes back to putting up his Perry posters while Jeb looks at her as if she’s crazy for saying that Tommy would protect them with a stick. The employee nods and heads off to go hide in a broom closet out of fear while Phoenix sighs with a shake of her head as Cosmo finally takes the seat next to her to get his face painted, telling her what he wanted while loud noises of a man shouting incoherently outside are heard as well as cops yelling at him to don’t move and warns him what happens if he does. The new worker is in the closet crying while Phoenix and the others remain calm, used to the weirdness at the Corners Four. A huge commotion is heard outside but a nonchalant Phoenix holds no emotion to it as she begins to paint Cosmo’s face with a bright smile and only has one word to describe the man outside being in a huge heap of trouble.

THE ‘SUPERIOR’ QUAGLIATERRE: ”Yikes.”

OPENING MATCH
TEN MINUTES OF MAYHEM
BRISTOL KING VS. ADAYA DUNCAN

10:00

You would have thought a cannon had sounded off at the ring of the bell to start off the match the way the two women came sprinting towards one another, more than ready for the match. The fans remember Adaya’s words on Bristol and watch as every swing that Bristol makes on Adaya are ones to make sure she’ll never forget while Adaya fights back in wanting to show Bristol that she was far from being on her level. Jumping into the air and falling back, Adaya wrapped her legs around Bristol for a hurricanrana and as soon as Bristol hit the mat, she’s popping back up onto her feet and ready for more. Adaya moves forward and Bristol dashes forward, sending Adaya back and onto the mat with a flying forearm but Adaya is quickly back onto her feet in no time. The two women stare each other down before they go at it again, the other trying to outpower the other so that they can get into a position to put the other down hard enough to finally secure that first pinfall. With a snapdown takedown, Bristol has awarded herself the controller of the match as she looks to go for a triangle choke but before she can lock it in, Adaya uses all her might to get out of it and scoots away from Bristol in order to get to her feet as Bristol suddenly reaches up to grab Adaya by the hair and tug her back down in a surprise attack and rolls her up into a pin that Adaya quickly kicks out of. Adaya yanks Bristol to her feet and squares up with her for the roll up pin attempt, battling her with a series of kick combos before switching to punching, Bristol dodging the first two punches but not able to evade the third one as Adaya catches her in the jaw. Bristol is no match for Adaya for the next few minutes but she quickly changes that as she switches up the game by catching Adaya off guard with a surprise backstabber and drops to the ground to roll her over with a quick cover as the referee hits his hand on the mat three times, Adaya kicking out a second too late.

BRISTOL KING: 1

ADAYA DUNCAN: 0

7:01

Adaya isn’t having it and as soon as both women get onto their feet, Adaya wastes no time with goes for a headscissors takedown and then mounting Bristol to serve her them hands. The audience counts the punches and once she makes it to five, Bristol has had enough and tries to push Adaya off of her. When that does nothing, she swings her arm and her elbow rightfully catches Adaya in the face, doing the trick with getting Adaya off of her. Bristol charges Adaya as soon as she rises to her feet and Adaya quickly hems her up to take her down to the mat, straddling her to give her some more of that ground and pound special. She refuses to let up until she’s satisfied, easing up off of Bristol and reaching down to also pull her onto her feet and ends up having to catch her in the face with a warning punch once Bristol moves as if she’s going to try something. Bristol isn’t on that though as she knees Adaya in the midsection twice but gets taken down by a clothesline to thwart whatever she had up her sleeve to get over on Adaya. Wasting no time, Adaya makes a run for it as she hops the turnbuckle and as soon as Bristol gets onto her feet, here comes Adaya with a missile dropkick from above and then covering Bristol for a successful three count!

BRISTOL KING: 1

ADAYA DUNCAN: 1

5:47

Evened out with the each having a pinfall over the other, that motivates them to break the tie as the two women seem to become more aggressive than before, putting more power behind each punch and kick and making sure to lock them in tight whenever they locked in a submission. Bristol went for the Smoothin’ but Adaya managed to break out before it was even locked in, rolling her eyes at Bristol and taunting her while Bristol doesn’t get discouraged and succeeds with a snapdown takedown when she comes close enough to attack. Adaya gets her back with a running knee and a wheelbarrow facebuster though, even going as far as to try to choke Bristol with the ropes before letting up and catching Bristol in the chin with a surprise roundhouse kick that has Bristol slipped through the ropes and onto the apron. Using the ropes to get back onto her feet, Bristol doesn’t get a chance to get back into the ring once Adaya reaches across the ropes to grab her but Bristol manages to lift a knee to drive into Adaya’s abdomen to get her to break the hold on her. Adaya ends up stumbling back and out of Bristol’s reach so Bristol quickly enters the ring to get her hands on her. Bristol isn’t playing any games as she dodges Adaya’s punches, counters Adaya’s hurricanrana and tries for a few kicks before going for Round T’Corner! Bristol covers Adaya but only gets a two count which produces a frown from her and a shake of her head while Adaya is determined to not let Bristol get another pinfall over her. Knowing that the time was ticking and not cool at all with a tie, both of them begin going for takedowns so that they can go for submissions, something that Adaya was only able to be successful with as she gets Bristol into a triangle choke.

She locks it in tight and applies the pressure but Bristol fights through it with that look of sheer determination in her eyes as a lifetime seems to pass before Adaya finally breaks the hold. Bristol is feeling it as she winces, even leaning against the ropes while Adaya isn’t interested in taking a break and charges Bristol as Bristol pushes herself off the ropes to duck but is a second too late as she catches that clothesline. Adaya goes for the pin but Bristol quickly kicks out as soon as the referee gets to two. Irish whip into the corner and Adaya has Bristol trapped with sharp shoulder thrusts that has Bristol showing her pain audibly before she finally decides to stomp repeatedly on Adaya’s foot until she can get Adaya to at least take a step back. One step back is enough room and it’s all she needs before Bristol can finally begin working her way out of the corner, each strike causes Adaya to take a step back and when Bristol backs up to charge, Adaya also sprints forward to catch Bristol with a running knee before climbing the turnbuckle. Bristol is showing no signs of getting up as she continues to wince in pain on the mat as Adaya goes for a moonsault but nobody’s home as Bristol quickly rolls out of the way! Adaya slowly gets up on all fours and Bristol’s eyes widen with delight as she rushes for the ropes, bounces off and jumps high into the air to drive her feet into Adaya’s back with a mushroom stomp! Bristol quickly goes for the pin as the hopes for the best while watching the referee’s hand hit the mat three times as the clock runs out just in time.

BRISTOL KING: 2

ADAYA DUNCAN: 1

0:00

WINNER: Bristol King

After the Bristol King and Adaya Duncan match. Cameras cut to the backstage where Trish Newborn is jogging in place, shaking her wrist before exhaling the air she had held previously wearing her sparkly blue ring gear. Her way of going through the movements of relaxing before any big-time moment in her career. A debut would do that. Trish hears the roar of the audience echoing through the halls. She stops. And then Trish starts making her way down the hallway heading toward gorilla position to wait for her entrance music to hit. She politely smiles. The veteran bypasses minor crew members that occupy those same hallways but quickly move out of her way once they see Trish Newborn.

NEWBORNE: “It’s now or never…”

TAYLOR: “Ladies and gentlemen, the Welcome to Octane Gauntlet match featuring four newest members added to our Octane roster are coming up next. This will be exciting to see who is the last one standing at the end of the Gauntlet.”

We fade back to the arena.

UNDERCARD
WELCOME TO OCTANE GAUNTLET
OSIRIS BLACKHEART VS. SKIN DEEP VS.
MATT MENDEZ VS. TRISH NEWBORN

The Welcome to Octane Gauntlet was just about to start with Osiris Blackheart and Skin Deep in the ring when out of nowhere circus music started playing. Together Mya Denton and Nirvana, along with a horde of midget clowns, came charging down to the ring where they surrounded and then kidnapped Osiris and Skin Deep, stuffing them into a shower that had literally been put onto a Golf Cart. A censor bubble obscured what actually was going on in the shower as Mya and Nirvana kept stuffing more midget clowns into the golf cart shower as well before finally Nirvana hopped into the drivers seat and drove up the entrance ramp and out of sight. What would become of Osiris and Skin Deep? Who knows. But I can tell you one thing… the Welcome to Octane Gauntlet had suddenly become a welcome to Octane one on one match and both Matt Mendez and Trish Newborn hustled down the entrance ramp and slid into the ring. As they did so the referee quickly reviewed the rules of the match, and then checked to make sure there was no weapons on either of them. After one final check to make sure they were both ready to go the referee signaled for the bell and the match was quickly under way.

Both Matt and Trish move to the center of the ring and quickly tie up with Mendez getting the early advantage, twisting Newborn’s wrist around and bending it behind her back, applying pressure immediately. Trish quickly unwinds herself out of the rear wrist lock and then locks her arms around Matt’s head, pulling him down into a side headlock that she quickly transitioned into a takedown, tossing him down onto his back on the canvas. Following Mendez down to the mat she keeps the headlock cinched in as Matt tries to roll back to his feet. He manages to get up to a kneeling position before Trish pulls him back down to the canvas, this time on his belly. Swinging her leg over his back she straddles him and transitions from a headlock to a chin lock, grinding away and making Mendez as uncomfortable as she possibly can. Still, over time, Mendez manages to climb back up to his hands and knees and then slowly progresses up to a stable base, though doubled over with Newborn switching back to a headlock to try and keep the pressure and discomfort applied. With a hard shove, Mendez breaks free of the hold and sends Trish sprinting into the ropes, standing up quickly and readying himself for her return but even as he tried to prepare, Newborn leapt into the air and caught him with a hard running forearm straight to the jaw that knocked him down.

Stepping past Matt, Trish waves her arms up and down getting the fans up to their feet and hyping them up. Behind her, however, Mendez kipped back up to his feet quickly and when Trish turned back to him he met her with a discuss elbow smash that stumbled Newborn back into the ropes. Coming back off of them in a daze, Trish walked right into the waiting grasp of Matt Mendez who hoisted her up, spun, and then planted her to the mat with a sit out spine buster. Hooking his feet over her shoulders to put her into a pinning predicament, Mendez watched and nodded his head as the referee counted the one and two but he wasn’t quite able to keep her down for the three as Trish kicked out just in time. Rolling back, Mendez popped back to his feet and helped Trish up to hers before depositing her quickly into the corner nearby. Taking a few steps away, Mendez then ran straight forward at Trish and leapt into the air, catching her squarely with a knee strike. Again he took a few steps back out of the corner, running forward a moment later and leaping again, this time crashing into her with a body splash. When his feet hit the ground once more he whipped her out of the corner and across the ring into the opposite corner. Turning, he moved toward her rapidly, zeroing in and looking for a corner yakuza kick.

Newborn manages to slip out of the way at the last second, however, leaving Matt to crash into the corner turnbuckle pads awkwardly. With her opponent left hung up awkwardly, Trish sweeps in behind him and then rolls him up, the referee sliding into position to count. His hand slaps the mat once, twice but not a third time as Mendez manages to kick free. Newborn gets back to her feet first and sprints toward the ropes. She springboards off the middle rope and spins in mid air just as Matt is getting back up to a vertical base. AIR TRISH! The roundhouse kick connects and it knocks Mendez down to the mat. Feeling the momentum suddenly shift in her direction, Trish looks to put the match away by moving to the legs of Matt Mendez. She’s quick to put him in a cloverleaf position but instead of executing the move, rolling him over as one would expect, she looks to fall back and lock in No Regret! Mendez manages to pull one leg free, however, and kick her down to the mat on her backside. It’s a quick scramble on the part of both competitors back up to their feet. Newborn swings with a hard right. Mendez blocks it and clutches her wrist. And then, in one fluid and lightning quick motion, Mendez connects with ALLEY DRIVER 92! Immediately he covers, hooking the leg and the referee slides in and counts. One. Two and three! Welcome to Octane Matt Mendez!

WINNER: Matt Mendez (14:22)

The black stretch limo that just arrived at Carnivale belonged to none other than Jay “the Marksman” Mora. Stepping out of the limo, Jay took a deep breath taking in some fresh air as smoke fluttered out of the limo. Sunglasses covered his eyes and the perfectly tailored suit is nothing new to viewers of Octane. Taking a few steps forward Jay makes room for several women to exit the limo as well as his friend Tommy. Tommy, who also wore a neatly tailored suit, had some blood shot eyes that he quickly concealed from the public by putting on his own pair of aviators. Jay draws in another deep breath before screaming.

MORA: “WOOOOOO! YEAAAA! FUCKING CAR-NEE-VAALLLL!”

TOMMY: “Dude, dude play it cool. You gotta wrestle tonight.”

MORA: “No fucking shit I have to wrestle tonight. I feel on top of the MOTHER. FUCKING. WORLD. No one can stop me tonight.”

Clearly jacked up for his match tonight Jay begins to walk towards the locker room area unintentionally zig zagging his way through the backstage area. Tommy grabs him by his shoulders to stop him for a brief moment. He places his hands on Jay’s cheeks.

TOMMY: “HEY! Listen. Listen. You’re fucked up. Let me see.”

Tommy pulls Jay’s glasses down slightly to get a good look at his bloodshot, watery eyes. His pupils slightly dilated. Tommy shakes his head.

TOMMY: “You ready? Are you fucking ready?”

It appeared that Tommy would try and calm Jay down but a sudden switch caused Tommy to get just as amped as Jay seemed. Jay had the biggest grin cross his face as he screamed a primal scream right in Tommy’s face. The women all just giggled assuming this was just a show of masculinity or something similar to what gorillas would do in the wild. A lion’s roar from the Marksman as he prepared to get his mind right for his match.

MORA: “Fuck Craig.”

TOMMY: “Yea, fuck Craig..”

Jay grabbed an imaginary microphone from the air.

MORA: “MISSSSSSTEEEEEERRRRR ANDERSON…..”

Jay paused and looked around as if he was searching for something or someone before looking back up at his imaginary microphone.

MORA: “Anderson.”

They all start to laugh hysterically as the continue to walk. The scene begins to fade catching bits and pieces of the fading conversation.

TOMMY: “He doesn’t actually do that dumb shit right?”

TOMMY: “Nah, pretty sure you just made that up.”

MORA: “Probably. Fuck Craig.”

Backstage Cosmo warmed up. He had on a zip up jacket which had his hood tossed over and a pair of headphones on which when he saw the camera approaching he pulled away. Cosmo’s hair was pushed back with a headband for the time being as he nodded a few times and then shadow boxed a few times.

COOPER: ”Let’s face it… not one tag team in 4CW has been able to do what Jeb and I did for a very long time. We defended the tag titles in a triple threat match and then we are going into battle just a few short weeks later. You think Minority Report could do that? Do you think they’d agree to that without bitching? Nah, they wouldn’t man. I’m not stupid enough to come on here and say that it’s a guarantee that Jeb and I will win, we’ve lost before and we’re going to lose again… “

Cosmo nodded a few times.

COOPER: ”Here’s the thing though… Minority State likes to just look at you and say… I know you are but what am I? Then they have AD, who isn’t even the best AD in wrestling who will back everything they say… the reason we say that Minority State won’t last? Is because of the track record since you’ve been around. One member has already bailed… besides Seth you all kinda’ came out of nowhere. So all things considered I hope you guys have a good showing tonight so you don’t quit and land somewhere else under a new moniker so you can flake out there too… know what I mean?“

He smirked and winked towards the camera.

COOPER: ”But I wanna tell ‘em that they’re welcome for the promo points. Because if you haven’t noticed… Jeb and I get our shit out there nice and early for everyone to see… we aren’t scared. We don’t need the last word. Ric and Seth? They need that last word because they can’t come up with anything without it. So in victory or defeat… we lead by example. And the next week if we lose? Our goal stays the same. Our effort is still there… “

Cosmo held up his hands.

COOPER: ”And listen. I don’t mind Adaya getting involved. If I lost every big match I’ve ever been in and got sent to the bottom of the card? I’d try and punch up and fight for air as well… which she is used to because usually she is so far up Ric’s ass that she has to do just that… fight for air. No matter how wrong or how shitty he is, you’ll always take up for him and that loyalty will eventually get you into trouble… because it’s already sent you down to the front of the card. But be my guest and keep playing in the trash… it’s something that you’re used to.“

Turning his head from side to side he nodded.

COOPER: ” You see, regardless of what happens tonight. Jeb and I are still in the tag title picture… it’s a must win for Minority State… can y’all do what Jeb and I did? We had to go to Adrenaline to win these titles. You get them on Octane, and for that you are welcome.“

Cosmo salutes and walks away.

UNDERCARD
CRAIG ANDERSON VS. JAY MORA

OH LOOK, IT’S CRAIG ANDERSON!!! He comes floating across the ring as he charges Jay Mora, smelling like the best honey baked biscuits that would have the women in the audience swooning as he lays Mora down with a spinning heel kick and quickly jumps back from within Mora’s grasp once he’s gotten back onto his feet and makes a grab for him. The ever so witty Craig lunges forward then quickly pulls back, tricking Mora into thinking he was about to attack as Mora also steps forward rather quick instinctively before realizing he had been fooled. Craig does it once more and so does Mora, being tricked once again as the audience explodes into laughter. Not into playing games right now, Mora charges and knocks Craig down with a powerful clothesline as payback while grinning down at his downed opponent. Mora lifts his foot to stomp down hard on Craig but ends up slamming his foot down on the mat instead once Craig makes a quick get away with rolling away to safety. But Mora wasn’t finished as he was ready for Craig and as soon as he made it onto his feet, Mora had him on his back like one of Mora’s one million women with a powerbomb.

The match carried on with the men vigorously trying to overpower the other and putting on a match definitely worthy of a pay per view that pleased the audience and made anyone who had to use the bathroom to hold their bladder because they didn’t want to miss this big showdown of epicness! Mora was shoot taunting Craig and Craig slaps his hand away in response and is shoved backwards by Mora. Craig shoves Mora back and ends up being irish whipped into the ropes as Craig bounces against them, comes rushing back and DUCKS the swinging arm of Mora and bounces against the OTHER set of ropes and nails Mora in the face with a back elbow after returning back. Look here, the women in the crowd were pretty excited and kept randomly screaming out to be heard on camera while being ignored by the sparring men who were close to a slap boxing match until Mora caught Craig in the chin with a strong right punch and then Bullseye’d him right into the turnbuckle. Craig’s face twists up in pain as he arches his back from how hard of an impact the slam into the turnbuckle had made. Mora is satisfied and watches as a hurt Craig falls to the mat and Mora is quickly on him for the cover.

ONE

.

.

TW–KICKOUT!!!

Craig wasn’t quite finished yet with this match and showed it in his actions when he kicked out again once Mora covered him a second time. Grabbing him by the arm, Mora yanks Craig up roughly but is forced back by a series of punches that causes Mora’s grasp to lessen on Craig until he lets go entirely once Craig begins to put alot more power behind his punches. Mora doesn’t go down but ends up blocking Craig’s next punch and hits him so hard that Craig spins and takes a few steps forward. Mora believes he definitely has the upper hand now so he isn’t ready when Craig suddenly does a back flip and then gets Mora with the Arse Over Tit that even impresses the males in the audience. Before Mora can get up, Craig lands on him with a shooting star press and decides against going for the cover in case of a predicted kick out and instead helps Mora onto his feet as he gets onto his. Craig then yells out, “LOVE ME SOME” before hitting Mora with the Rich Tea-Bone Suplex and then decides to finally go for a cover, crossing his fingers for a three count as he pins his opponent.

ONE

.

.

TW–KICKOUT!!!

That Jay Mora, I tell you…. he definitely didn’t come to Georgia tonight to lose and his actions show that as he quickly knees Craig in the midsection while getting on his feet that has Craig stumbling backwards and then rushes forward right when Craig stands upright and crossbodies Craig, immediately staying on him for the cover but doesn’t even get to one when Craig kicks out. At this point, Mora is ready to knock Craig’s teeth down his throat and he has just the superkick to do it as he begins pulling Craig onto his feet and is quickly elbowed in the face by Craig twice to throw him off his game. The audience watches closely and intently as Craig stalks his opponent and then…. ZIG-A-ZIG-AH!!!!!! Craig covers Mora with a quickness as the referee meets him on the mat with his hand raised and ready to make the count.

ONE

.

.

TWO

.

.

THREE!!!

WINNER: Craig Anderson via Pinfall (10:54)

“Are you tired of the same old morning routine every day?”

A teenager sits up in bed looking like he needs some sleep. He shakes his head back and forth vigorously before slapping a drab flat brimmed hat onto his head and rolls out of bed.

“Is it hard for you to get out of bed knowing that you’re in for the same old breakfast?”

The teenager, still clothed in his Point Break pajamas heads down the hallway and enters the kitchen and proceeds to collect a bowl and spoon. He sets it down on the kitchen table and then goes to the fridge and pulls out a gallon of milk and sets it beside the bowl.

“Annoyed with the same bland choices every day?”

The teenager lets out a sigh before opening the cabinet and immediately a glow strikes his face. He smiles wide and his eyes grow wide to the size of silver dollars as he pulls out a box of cereal he’s never seen before.

“Well it’s a good thing that your Mom brought you home a box of the hottest new Breakfast cereal on the market today–Minority Flakes!”

The kid rushes to his bowl, opens the box and cellophane bag and fills his bowl to the brim. As the milk pours into the bowl, the flakes rise up and some escape the bowl onto the kitchen table.

“Enjoy one of the many flavors, today, flat brim here is enjoying the special Garner flavor, only available whilst supplies last!”

The kid takes a big spoon full of the cereal and milk cascades down his chin as he takes a mouth full and chomps the cereal with his mouth open.

“Crunchy, isn’t it, buddy?”

The kid nods and suddenly with a ‘bing!’ his flat brim turns from drab to diamond encrusted. He stands up, ready to declare how great the cereal is when suddenly Staten Island PD burst through the door to the kitchen and proceed to take the kid down.

“It’s a cereal so good, it will make you feel like a real minority. Minority Flakes! The newest and best addiction to your balanced breakfast!”

The police pin the kid to the ground and give him a beating while you can hear the kid complaining that he can’t breathe as the scene blurs and shows the box of cereal…

“Minority Flakes, not to be sugar coated!”

UNDERCARD
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS
SCAFFOLD MATCH

SETH DANIELS & RIC GREENE VS. BATTLE BORN ©

The camera turns away from the ring and not far from it the scaffold for tonight’s Tag Team Championship match comes into focus. This isn’t your typical set up by any means. It stands high in the arena, a little too high if you ask me, standing about three times higher than your average scaffold match, if those are still even a thing these days. It’s alright though because the people at 4CW always put safety first, no matter how dangerous or retarded things might be. Underneath the scaffold a large net is stretched beneath the scaffold. You know, one of those nets you would see at an event such as a circus, just instead of a scaffold you’d either have someone walking a tightrope or a trapeze act. This was definitely not designed to have people thrown down onto it from stories above, but we’re going to have some fun tonight.

Up top we find Seth Daniels and Ric Greene standing at one end of the scaffold. The two talk amongst themselves, more than likely discussing a game plan if there could even be such a thing going into a match like this. Across from them on the other side of the scaffold stood out Tag Team Champions, Cosmo Cooper and Jeb Fisher. Like their opponents, the two talk amongst themselves until Jeb turns away and stands at the edge of the scaffold looking down at the distance to the net beneath. He scans the entire area. Knowing Jeb, he was probably looking for an area that he could throw someone where there wasn’t a net to break the fall. It is Jeb we’re speaking about after all. Cosmo grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him away and after a final stare between the two, they turn to their opponents standing across the scaffold from them.

There wasn’t much room for the guys at the top of the scaffold. Having to go at each other head on was the only option for either Cosmo or Seth. Behind them, their partners followed as the two slowly crept towards one another at the very top. Seth and Cosmo lock up in a struggle of power as Jeb and Ric cheer them on from behind. Pulling Cosmo’s head down, Seth pulled him into a knee to the stomach before throwing him to his partner behind. As Cosmo fell into Ric’s arms, Seth immediately whipped around and lunged for Jeb, tackling him to the platform. Seth swung down on Jeb with lefts and rights, lighting him up from both sides as Ric slammed Cosmo to the scaffold face first. Ric then begins stomping down onto Cosmo, keeping him down to the scaffold. Across from them, Seth connects with a vicious elbow to Jeb’s temple. Although he was dazed, Jeb popped up his arm and threw a blind punch, connecting and knocking Seth off of him. The two raced to their feet and with Jeb taking longer to do so due to his blurred vision, Seth quickly rushed in and hit him with a running knee to the face! Jeb fell back, the force of the knee to the face slamming his head to the top of the scaffold.

For a few minutes, Ric and Seth continued their assaults on both Jeb and Cosmo. Minority came to the arena tonight (or was it a tent?) with the clear intention to knock Jeb and Cosmo from the top of the tag mountain, or in this case off the top of the scaffold, literally. With the Tag Team Champions, Battle Born, off their feet, Minority State used every bit of this time to inflict as much damage as possible to the champs. Pulling Cosmo to his feet, Ric kept his body bent over as he rammed multiple knees upward into Cosmo’s chest. Wrapping both arms around his body, Ric then lifted him off his feet before slamming him over to his back with a gutwrench suplex. Seth heard and felt the loud crash landing behind him. It signaled him to do the same, keeping up with his partner every step of the way. As Seth pulled Jeb to his feet, Jeb took it upon himself to slam his head forward, headbutting Seth right between the legs. If the showers in prison are as bad as Jeb claims they are, then this method was more than likely most effective as a defensive mechanism to keep one from being faced fucked. Jeb then popped up, swinging upward while connecting with a vicious uppercut than knocked Seth straight down to his back. Leaping over him, Jeb raced across the scaffold before leaping forward and tackling Ric from behind, knocking him off of Cosmo who was on the receiving end of fists raining down onto his surfer boy scalp.

Things are completely different than what we saw minutes ago as now Minority State are the ones down with Battle Born taking full charge. Jeb locks in a full nelson on Ric, even lifting him off his feet and slamming him back down onto the scaffold. Rolling Ric over to his stomach, Jeb grabs ahold of his head and begins smearing his face back and forth against the scaffold. Cosmo attacks Seth as he’s down but as he kicks down to his chest, Seth grabs ahold of his feet and pulls him down to the scaffold. Positioning himself on top of Cosmo, Seth pulled Cosmo’s head and upper body over the side of the scaffold. Seth remained on top of his lower body, keeping him planted to the scaffold as his head hung over the side. With a quick right, Seth planted his fist into the side of Cosmo’s face. Grabbing Cosmo’s arm, Seth then began slamming his forearm into the metal siding of the scaffold. He slammed it over and over as if he were trying to break it. Cosmo gabbed him with his other hand, only enough to grab Seth’s attention as he turned to look back at him, delivering a stinging backhand across Cosmo’s face. Out of nowhere, Jeb raced into the scene, hitting Seth in the side of the head with a drop kick, planting both feet into his skull and knocking him off of Cosmo. Jeb quickly pulls Cosmo back completely onto the scaffold before looking up at the sight of Seth climbing back to his feet.

Although all four men were still on the scaffold, things seemed to slow down as if it were in slow motion to feature a showdown between Seth and Jeb. Jeb rushes towards Seth, only to run straight into an elbow to the face followed up with a quick (as could be in slow motion) to the stomach. Pulling Jeb in and wrapping his arm around Jeb’s head, Seth then lifted him up and over, dropping him to his back with a snap suplex. Jeb rolled up to an upright seated position, reaching back and rubbing his lower back from the hard landing. On his feet, Seth attacked Jeb from behind. Kneeing him in the back of the head before chopping down on both sides of Jeb’s neck. Wrapping an arm across Jeb’s throat, Seth locked in a sleeper hold. He choked, and choked, and choked the life out of Jeb – much like we would imagine Jeb’s cellmate in prison who could probably also qualify for membership of Minority State. But anyway, this isn’t about Jeb or things he may or may not have picked up from his father who has been out of the picture for quite some time. Miss having crazy old Bob around screaming about killing Charlie. Maybe he’s responsible for the disappearance of Minority State’s fourth member that vanish into thin air. Back to the slow motion action at the top of the scaffold. Seth was wearing Jeb down with the sleeper hold. He knew it too as Jeb’s fight grew weaker and weaker. Pulling Jeb to his feet. he dragged Jeb to the edge of the scaffold, holding him over the edge while still choking him.

Ric had a handful of Cosmo’s hair across the scaffold, slamming him face down onto the very ends of the scaffold where a railing was attached. He pulled Cosmo’s head back once more, only to receive a lightning fast elbow to t he mid section. Cosmo then grabbed onto Ric’s head, slamming him face down to the railing. It only took on head on crash to put Ric down on his knees with his body leaned against the railing. Turning to look across the scaffold, Cosmo’s eyes lit up at the site of Seth choking Jeb and holding him at the edge of the scaffold. Rushing over, Cosmo leaped to the skies, flying towards Seth and connecting with a punch to the neck. Seth fell to his side, releasing Jeb before going down. Jeb’s body fell forward but before his feet left the scaffold, Cosmo quickly reached over the side and grabbed ahold of him, pulling him back up and dragging him away from the edge. While Cosmo tended to Jeb and making sure his partner was safe and sound, Seth was already back to his feet. He rushed in, grabbing Cosmo and ripping him away from Jeb. The two locked up, pulling and pushing at one another as they danced in circles. From one side of the scaffold to the other, they fought for leverage over the other. Seth hit Cosmo in the stomach with a knee, giving him a moment to take full control as he turned his body and pulled Cosmo to the edge. Seth as going to launch Cosmo off the side of the scaffold with his momentum. That was the plan until Jeb intervened. Grabbing Cosmo by the arm, Jeb pulled him around the side of scaffold with one arm and he slammed his other palm into Seth’s back. Giving Seth a push with all of his strength, Jeb pushed him over the side with nothing to break Seth’s fall but the safety net stories below.

After minutes and minutes of basically just fighting because the top of a scaffold is no place for wrestling, we’re down to three men on top, two belonging to the team of Battle Born. Jeb and Cosmo were only paying attention to one another after a close call for Cosmo. Splitting the two, Ric hit them both in the back of the heads with a running double clothesline. Cosmo hit the scaffold hard, and so did Jeb, but Jeb also managed to find himself rolling over the side of the scaffold. As he went over the side, Jeb reached out in desperation. It was a long fall to the bottom, one that Jeb wouldn’t be making just yet as Cosmo managed to grab his hand as he went over the edge. Hanging his arm over the side, Cosmo held onto Jeb as he dangled beneath the scaffold. Ric wasn’t far away and Cosmo knew it so he began to swing Jeb back and forth. Just as Ric closed in, Cosmo had just enough momentum with the swing to lift Jeb up just high enough kick his leg up over the scaffold. Jeb wrapped it around Ric’s leg and as his body began to travel back down, he swept Ric’s leg out from under him, dropping him face first down onto the scaffold. Jeb’s leg was still locked with Ric’s, dragging him over the side as well. Ric grabbed onto the side of the scaffold, stopping himself from falling and also freeing himself from Jeb’s leg as he swung in the opposite direction. The arm Jeb was hanging from was pulled down further than his other, which just so happened to be an ideal spot for Ric to grab onto.

Now with both Jeb and Ric hanging from his arms, Cosmo now had a battle with himself to see how long he could maintain position before eventually being pulled over the side as well. Ric was using every bit of Cosmo that he could to pull himself back onto the scaffold. The more Ric climbed, the more Jeb lowered by pulling Cosmo’s arm and that side of his body down. Ric was almost back up to the scaffold, still climbing up Cosmo as he struggled to hold them both up. Cosmo had to keep his hold on Jeb. He couldn’t control Ric latching onto him. Digging down deep, Cosmo yelled to the top of his lungs as he pulled Jeb back up just enough for Jeb to grab onto the side of the scaffold. As soon as Cosmo knew that Jeb was holding onto the scaffold and not him, Cosmo rolled over the side of the scaffold. It wasn’t just Cosmo, oh no. Ric stilled tried to climb over his body but the two just got further and further away from the scaffold before it was too late – both Cosmo and Ric were on their way down to the net below. Hanging from the scaffold, Jeb called out to his partner as he watched him fall down to the net. It was all up to Jeb at this point. He could either take the easy way out and let go, giving themselves the chance to retain via no contest. Or, Jeb could win this one outright for not only himself, but his partner who just sacrificed himself. It’s been a long fight on top of the scaffold. Jeb was worn down. He was tired. He remained hanging from the side of the scaffold for nearly a minute before he hammered down and by raw strength alone, he managed to pull himself back onto the scaffold, officially winning the match for him and his partner tonight.

WINNERS: Battle Born (19:57)

Comforting music plays.

Open on a shot of Paul, his skin is dark, he has a beard, and he’s wearing a turban traveling the speed limit on a freeway somewhere in the heart of America. Beside him is his wife Samara. In the backseat are their two children, Irfan, and Tamam, 4 and 6 respectively. It’s a beautiful little nuclear family. The scenery whizzes past them before Paul steers the car into a rest stop.

They park their Toyota Prius, bicker a little with the kids as they get them from their car seats and into the fresh air, then enter the roadside family restaurant. Inside they find a table, but Paul notices some patrons eyeing him and his family. It’s uncomfortable. He’s uncertain whether it’s angry looks, or just something he’s imagined, and keeps smiling as his family sits down and begins to look over the menu.

Paul sees a set of large white men glaring over their shoulders at Paul and his family. He’s certain of it. It sits uneasy in his stomach but then little Irfan says something funny about the carton mouse on the menu and Paul keeps his attention on his child. He’s just like a little Paul. It’s his pride.

Fuckin’ Ragheads,” Paul overhears moments later, his attention taken away from his family back to the table with the set of large men who have begun muttering angrily about Paul and his family. Tamam looks worried, and Paul and Samara exchange glances.

PAUL: ”Just ignore it.”

They shift uncomfortably then return to their smiles and the kids. A waitress takes their drink order. Paul begins to explain to Irfan where they are on the map of the United States.

ANGRY GUY: ”You people did 9/11. Had a buddy die in tower 2.”

This time, the biggest of the men has turned towards Paul and his family, stood up from his seat and begun to approach them swaggering with a righteous cause. Paul smiles uncomfortably and tries to keep the kids from paying attention to the angry man.

ANGRY GUY: :Had another buddy die in Afghanistan fighting off you sand n&$@&$$.”

He’s at their table, imposing over them now. Irfan starts crying. Paul eyes the man apologetically up at him from his seat. He can see what he can only imagine could be the outline of a handgun behind the man’s denim jacket. Paul tries to smile.

PAUL: ”I’m sorry about your friend.”

Paul smiles, but the angry man glowers down at him.

ANGRY GUY: ”You better be.”

The entire restaurant is staring at them. Paul tries to comfort his family with a glance but suddenly the larger man shoves Paul forcefully.

ANGRY GUY: :Don’t look at them, you look at me. I love this country. My country deserves respect. You people over there don’t respect us. We didn’t ask to for a fight. But you and your buddies brought us one. We ain’t having none of your Sharia law bullshit over here! Why isn’t your wife wearing a face veil, ya coward? I ain’t scared of you people. I hope we kill every single, last one of–:

Freeze frame on Paul. The larger man towers over he and his family, ready for violence. What will Paul do? Slowly, his uncomfortable grimace turns into a smirk as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a can marked MSC.

Cue the awesome theme song for Minority State Cola!

“Don’t want none of that so-so soda! When they’re in your face you need Minority State Cola!”

Paul opens the can and it’s awesome. He takes a sip and stands up, and the freeze frame is gone! The larger man is surprised to see Paul in his face.

PAUL: ”Actually, dude, we’re not Muslims. We’re Sikh. We’re from Montreal, Canada. I was born there. I’m actually a vehicle tech in the Canadian Armed forces. I was at Kandahar.”

Aw, man the restaurant, and the large guy are blown away as the music keeps playing!

“Don’t let other’s Ignorance ruin your day! With Minority State Cola you have a say!!”

Paul has won everyone over, even the larger man is impressed.

PAUL: This is my family’s vacation out of Canada, eh? So I mean, prejudice and all that? We get it. That exists everywhere. But we’re not the reason you’re mad. It’s actually a complex mixture of Socioeconomic, and political–“

The theme song continues. Slow pull out on the restaurant with Paul using maps, graphs and pie charts to illustrate the religious demographics of the world, flipping to a bullet list of points about Sharia Law. The larger man, Bart, is seated with Paul’s family, helping little Irfan cut up his chicken tenders.

Cut to Minority State Cola logo.

The cameras go backstage and Kaelan Laughlin is seen walking down the hallway. Passing numerous stagehands and other individuals that are nameless and don’t matter. She stops and takes a deep breath. It’s obvious her match is on her mind. She lets out the air from her lungs in a big sigh.

LAUGHLIN: “It’s a big match tonight. There’s a lot on the line. Nobody has been able to stop Tommy up until this point. He’s been the most dominant individual on Octane and there’s no ignoring that. The mistake others have made is by calling Tommy an underdog. You stop being an underdog when you have won a title and successfully defended it numerous times. Tommy isn’t the underdog now. It’s me.”

Kaelan pointed to herself and rolled her eyes.

LAUGHLIN: “That’s right. I’m the one that you people are calling the underdog now. Every week I get played as if I’m nothing, because I’ve lost a couple matches, because I do well more when I tag with my husband than when I’m alone. I’m sick of it. We all win some here, and we all lose some but tonight I’m going for the biggest win in my career to date for 4CW.”

LAUGHLIN: “Tommy thought it would be cute to make a muffin. Tommy thought it was funny to go for my hair the most low hanging fruit he could think of. Tommy went after my tag history with my husband which I’ll never be ashamed of for doing well with my best friend. It’s not my problem him and Kimi don’t have the chemistry that B and I do inside and outside of the ring.”

Kaelan raised her eyebrows with a smirk before continuing on.

LAUGHLIN: “Tommy is just proving why he’s actually one giant punchline week in and week out. I want to win this match because I want to be taken serious finally as the great wrestler I am. I want to win this match because I’m terrified of being shot out of that cannon and honestly fear can be a powerful and motivating tool in itself. I don’t want to be a human cannonball. I want to be Ignition Champion. I don’t want to be humiliated after having to deal with the claims that happened after losing to B.I’m motivated to win. This match is either kill or be killed and I am a fighter who never gives up. I’m coming to kill Tommy, and I’ll do you a solid and give you a broomstick to fly on when I shoot your bum out of that cannon.”

Kaelan winked and saluted the camera as she walked out of view and the scene went black.

UNDERCARD
FDIC-INSURED MATCH
QT REESE VS. TORNADO DESENCADENADO

The Octane fans in attendance turn their attention to the big screen, while the fans watching at home on pay-per view gaze with intrigue at the interior of the Wells Fargo just a few miles down the road from the Infinite Energy Arena in the suburbs of metro Atlanta. Or, as the locals refer to it: “OTP.” As the camera pans over we see Tornado Desencadenado waiting patiently, his arms folded. He has eschewed his usual gear for the ‘FDIC-Insured Match’; wearing instead a plain white muscle tee and faded dungarees.

Joining Tornado is an individual who we can only assume is there to “officiate” this ridiculous match concept. A plain, middle-aged woman with a Southern perm stands idly behind the counter in her normal teller spot. She is scrolling diligently through her cell phone, assuredly clicking “Like” on random Minion-based meme posts on Facebook.

However, as the view adjusts, one person is still missing: QT Reese. Desencadenado’s patience is slowly wearing thin, as it’s fairly certain he’d been here for quite some time already.

REESE: “Looking for me, you gonad?”

Both the camera and Tornado turn to hear the shrill, unmistakable catcall of the Newfie Cutie directly to the far right of the lobby area. Standing in the very front of the giant room (emptied of all of its cash and valuables) was Reese: a large smile on his face as he did an Egyptian dance and thrust his pelvis from side to side. He had apparently been hiding behind the slightly-cracked open concrete door of the vault and pushed it open to provide his surprise entrance.

However, Tornado did not waste a second to question how QT would be stupid enough to put himself in the very place where all it would take was a strong push and the closing of the heavy stone structure to make this the shortest and last FDIC Insured match in wrestling history. Darting at full speed, he races towards Reese — until he is stopped short by the sound of his laughter.

REESE: “You dummy! Did you really think this was me? I’m just a hologram of QT Reese!”

Tornado shakes his head, sighing out loud.

DESENCADENADO: “You’re obviously not a hologram.”

REESE: “Yes, I am. C’mon. Try to get me and see what happens, jerk. You’ll go right through me and then the REAL QT Reese will shut this fucking door SO FAST.”

Desencadenado shrugs his shoulders and resumes his charge, his shoulder squared to deliver a block to end all blocks.

REESE: “Oh, fuc.”

Realizing WAY too late that his ruse to pretend to be a hologram had failed, the “k” in fuck did not fully materialize as the wind bellowed from his lungs and directly out of his mouth due to the impact of the tackle from TD. QT is sent barrelling backwards and down to the floor, visited by a small flock of chirping birds above his head.

Tornado, a little slow himself to get to his feet, is eventually up. Instinctively, he walks toward the vault door and prepares to shut it and spin the wheel to (literally and figuratively LOL) seal up the match. However, internally conflicted, he feels as though he needs to teach Reese more of a lesson than just making short work of him.

DESENDACENADO: “I hope I don’t regret this.”

TD pulls the vault door back open to find Reese on his knees still facing the ground and slow to recover. He hoists QT in a fireman’s carry and proceeds to bring him back into the lobby area of the bank, propping him against the island table in the center. Taking a few paces back, he barrels forward and lands a sick discus double backhand chop to Reese’s exposed chest. The move seems to wake up his opponent, as he screams in anguish due to the impact.

Somewhat shocked by the fact that he’s no longer in the vault, he unfortunately does not have too much time to react as Tornado keeps on the offensive, squaring up for a few fists to the gut to double Reese over. Desencadenado spins QT in the opposite direction and places his head underneath Reese’s arm in an attempt to hoist him onto the table. However, QT’s awareness kicks in as he grabs for an ink pen sitting on the marble countertop next to a stack of deposit slips and tries to stab TD in the head with the object…

REESE: “DIE DIE DIE DIE!”

However, the pen is unfortunately connected to the desk by a ball chain, and his attempts are futile as it’s REALLY anchored down there. Tornado plops Reese backwards in a sitting position onto the high table and changes direction in preparation for a crucifix bomb. QT, disoriented and not sure how to squirm his way out, reaches for a fistful of deposit slips. Unfortunately, it’s just paper and really not a very good defense weapon, and the slips immediately form a ticker tape parade as they fly out of his hands once Desencadenado hoists him up. Taking some steps forward, TD positions Reese to send him WAY down onto the carpeted floor of the bank.

REESE: “NO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T DO THIS!”

Out of desperation, QT Reese actually performs a fucking WRESTLING maneuver at the last second, opting to try a victory roll. He is able to squirm out, but forgot the part about forcing momentum to carry Tornado over, so he merely lay on his back, looking up at the crotch of his enemy. A more natural instinct then took over as he outstretched a claw to grab his nether region.

Naturally, of all of the things that could have been done, Tornado fully expected this telegraph and stepped back to grab his hand and wrap around in position to lock it into an arm bar. Unfortunately, Desencadenado did NOT account for the paper strewn all over the floor, and lost his footing on one of the deposit slips which caused him to release his grip and stumble backward.

Reese then saw his opening, opting to deliver a punch directly in the middle of Tornado’s ass. Noticing that they were close enough to the table, QT then positioned himself around his opponent and delivered a nice drop toe hold, causing TD’s skull to hit the marble top HARD and slinking him directly to the floor. Chuckling, Reese begins to pirouette and spin around in celebration, taunting his opponent. He then leaves Desencadenado and makes his way over to the bank teller, still completely removed from the ongoings of the match.

Reaching in the front of his tights (as we all suspected that slight bulge was fake) Reese pulls out a pair of pantyhose and places it over his face.

REESE: “GIMME ALL YOUR MONEY!”

Startled, she drops her iPhone on the counter.

TELLER: “Are you…are you robbing us?”

REESE: “Nah, I’m just kidding. But seriously, give me one of those cool burlap sacks with the dollar sign on it. Right NOW.”

The teller shoots him a puzzled look.

TELLER: “Those actually aren’t real, sir. Those ‘money bags’ are only something that exists in cartoons.”

QT looks surprised and almost heartbroken at this revelation. No such thing as the sack with the dollar sign on it? A childhood, ruined! Thankfully, after a brief scan behind the counter, something else catches his eye.

REESE: “Can I have a sucker then?”

TELLER: “Sure.”

The polite teller hands Reese a Dum-Dum. He smiles eagerly as he unwraps it.

REESE: “Fuck yeah, MYSTERY FLAVOR! That’s the best one!”

Of course, Reese forgets that he has a woman’s stocking over his face as he tries to put it in his mouth. Meanwhile, due to his lack of focus, Tornado had since shaken off the damage from the head-on collision and stalks behind QT. Without warning, he lifts him onto his shoulders and prepares to start the rotations for the Vertigone.

REESE: “AHHHHHHHHH FUCK YOU MADE ME DROP MY SUCKER YOU ASSHO—OOOOOOO—OOOOOO—OOOOOOO…”

With each spin of the human propellor, Reese comically reacts as if he were on a Carnivale ride (note: that wordplay resulted in a 0.5 point loss on the RP grading scale.) Tornado continues the process for almost a full minute. He carries QT over by the opening of the vault and sets him down.

What happens next can chalk up yet another first in professional wrestling history.

Apparently with the combination of the velocity of the Vertigone and the Arby’s he’d had about thirty minutes prior to the match, this is enough to trigger motion sickness in QT. Hunched over while still trying to maintain some sense of balance, Reese PUKES ON HIMSELF. However, since he still has the pantyhose over his head, the vomit simply covered the inside of his burglar mask, smothering him in partially-digested roast beef and cheddar remnants.

Due to his disorientation, Reese screams as he attempts to pull the stocking off but is unable to do so, as he stumbles his way into the vault and falls to the floor. Desencadenado, somewhat affected himself by the events, still remains diligent towards setting out exactly what he intended to do. Following QT inside and managing to side-step the small puddles that had managed to spill through the stocking, he grabs Reese’s flailing legs and locks in, spinning him like a backwards clock in the Kiwi Leg Roll. This served not only to put QT in INTENSE pain, but also to further smush the vomit into his nose and mouth as he yelped in pain. After a few rotations, TD cinched in the leglock.

DESENCADENADO: “Is this over?”

REESE: “FUCK YOU!”

Further pressure applied.

DESENCADENADO: “IS THIS OVER?”

REESE: “OKAY OKAY OKAY IT’S OVER!”

Tornado, satisfied, releases the hold and leaves Reese a crumpled, stinking heap in the center of the vault. Standing to his feet, he walks toward the opening and back outside. Reaching into his back jeans pocket, he fishes out a five dollar bill.

Crumpling it up, he tosses the money inside and then proceeds to heave the heavy door shut. After spinning its wheel tight to lock it down, TD clasps his hands in a job well done gesture, then turns to walk toward the bank’s exit.

WINNER: Tornado Desencadenado (17:44)

Tommy is seen walking the halls backstage and walks by Perry Wallace’s office door. We know it’s his office, because of the sign on the door. Tommy grabs the sign off the door and throws it over his shoulder.

TOMMY: “Stupid fucking human cannonball match. They think they can get this title off me by putting me in a match where I can’t be pinned.”

Tommy keeps walking and shaking his head.

TOMMY: “150 days of constant disrespect since I’ve won this title, but that’s all gonna end tonight. Kae is the toughest challenger I’ve had for this title and I’m gonna crush her hopes and dreams when I shoot her across the arena.”

Tommy gets to his locker room and opens the door. He turns back towards the camera.

TOMMY: “The fun and games are over, Octane. I’m going to hip toss each and every one of you until there is nobody left for me to beat. Tonight, I prove why I’m the greatest Ignition/Fate Champion to ever hold this title.”

Tommy tapes a picture to the door and closes it. The picture is a photograph of Perry Wallace and his favorite son (Tommy’s IRL brother) Eric Paisano tickling some feet in a little father/son bonding session. Photoshopped? Probably, but if you ask Tommy he’ll say it’s real.

Backstage, Kaz Bonham greets the camera with her signature huge smile as the Octane Championship rests on her shoulder.

BONHAM: ”Howdy y’all! Big night again, right? Carnivale! How rad is that?! Got that big fight feel, got all these wild matches, and of course, ya got the Octane Championship at the end of the night. And that, for me, means I’ve got to head into that ring to prepare to be linked up with Bryan Williams…and I gotta find a way to beat him again. Wasn’t all that easy that first time and I wasn’t as cheerful as I am now…so everything changes I reckon.”

She looks a bit regretful as she says that, but keeps smiling through it regardless.

BONHAM: ”But I don’t want y’all to think I’m, like, worried or nothing. I’ve spent too much time gettin’ stitched up or havin’ bits of broken table taken out of me…I ain’t worried anymore. Nervous? Sure. You never know what’s gonna happen in matches like this…it’s a lot easier to try and prepare for a normal match, but a strap match? That’s some gnarly stuff, folks.”

Kaz chuckles a bit at the realization and shakes her head softly.

BONHAM: ”I know I can do it though. I’ve gone through some of the toughest and baddest names on this roster…I just gotta hold out. And if if my time in the spotlight is meant to be over…well, it was a heck of a ride, but I know…we know that I got some more fight left in me. If I lose to Bryan Williams tonight…shoot, I won’t be that hurt. We go back and forth sayin’ stuff about each other, but if there was someone I’d pass this torch onto? It’d be him.”

Her tone is somber and she’s silent for a moment, but that willy smile of Kaz’s comes right back as she looks into the camera with eyes full of hope.

BONHAM: ”Though…I’d be right back in that hunt, y’all. Give me a week to rest up and I’ll be ready to scrap again! And I look forward goin’ through every name on this roster for it…I live for that competition. It’s so rad to be able to come out here every other week and do what I do best for my Bonham Care Bears…tonight ain’t gonna be any different. Strap match or not, I’m givin’ it my all. And I’m going to make sure that I leave Georgia with that Octane Championship in my hands.”

As she says this, she pats the face of the Octane Championship.

BONHAM: ”Let’s get it, y’all!”

Kaz makes her exit, hootering and hollering as she does so, and getting pumped for the main event as the cameras cut elsewhere.

HEADLINE
IGNITION CHAMPIONSHIP
HUMAN CANNONBALL MATCH

KAELAN LAUGHLIN VS. AMERICAN TOMMY ©

Next up we have our first time ever, Human Cannonball Match. Yes, you read that right, unfortunately. Perry Wallace had nothing to do with the creation of this match whatsoever. That was all Jimmy Walker. He probably thought of it one night while coked out of his mind and getting his whistle wet by Perry’s trash leftovers that also just so happens to be, or was, the hottest free agent on the market. Now if that isn’t dumber than a match consisting of someone having to be shot out of a cannon like an actual circus I don’t know what is. But anyways, back to the next match for the Ignition Championship where yes, someone will be shot out of a cannon quicker than Tommy shoots his load whenever a fresh foot is presented to him at the dinner table, or whenever his true love Amanda Cortez sits on his face, you pick. He sure as shit isn’t shooting anything from that busted wand of his.

Although Tommy couldn’t realistically do magic, he could however juggle. That’s J-U-G-G-L-E, not gug gug guggle. What he was juggling was certainly no stranger to Kaelan, our resident Irish lass who landed in our laps after sliding down the rainbow and bouncing off the pot of gold at the bottom. He was juggling potatoes, the real kind, not the kind of potato that is made after having your head bashed in by someone named Alessandro. Not amused at the sight one bit, Kaelan watched with her hands on his hips as Tommy Juggled those balls–potatoes like a pro. She didn’t applaud his performance one bit and this made Tommy a very mad little boy. Stopping in the middle of his act, he caught all three potatoes and then began throwing them at Kaelan one by one. He may have spent some time in the batting cage earlier in the week but by the looks of these throws he should have been practicing on the mound because his throws were worse than 50 Cent and an opening pitch. After not being hit by a single potato, without even having to duck and dodge at all, Kaelan charged straight for Tommy.

She chased him around the entire area. Sliding into the ring, Tommy quickly ran to the other side before sliding out and leaving Kaelan in all by herself just as she entered it. The match didn’t start in the ring if you couldn’t tell. Why would it? What kind of idiot would put a cannon in a ring. Let’s be honest here, Jimmy tried to but Perry wouldn’t allow it. He didn’t want to have to spend the money on new equipment if something were to be damaged. That’s the theory anyway so just go with that. Running to a large round object, that just so happened to have a ladder leading to a small opening, Tommy quickly climbed it as he fled from Kaelan. Walking out to a small platform, Tommy thought he was lost, or either at a spa because what was underneath the small platform was a small round pool. He looked around the area, trying to place his finger on exactly what this mystery was. Across from him, Kaelan came into view, tossing a potato up and down with a smile on her face. To Tommy’s right there was a bullseye and with one throw, Kaelan hit it dead in the middle. The platform Tommy was standing on instantly dropped out from under him, causing him to splash down into the pool of water below. Tommy quickly popped his head out of the water, screaming curse words and possibly even spells as loudly as he could. Too bad he didn’t have one to dry himself because he was up to his neck in water. With water in his eyes, he blindly walked to the side of the pool before throwing both arms over the side. Not seeing what was coming his way, Tommy had no clue that Kaelan was about to rain down on his head with rapid rights. She then pushed him arms back over the side before locking onto Tommy’s head and slamming his face down into the water. She would hold his head beneath the surface for a minute and then pull him up to get a breath of air and a solid punch to the mouth. Then she would repeat. This went on for minutes as Kaelan tried to drown Tommy, save him, punch him, and then start all over again by drowning him. Eventually she pulled him out from the pool, throwing him to the ground.

In the pool to their side there was a dark blue cloud floating in the water where Tommy was standing. Now I’m not going to say that he pissed in the pool, but that blue cloud didn’t get there all by itself. Looking to it, Kaelan just shook her head back and forth before looking at Tommy and mouthing “what the fuck?” She knew that he pissed in the pool so therefor his clothes were not only soaked in water but also his bodily fluid. This was a title match and she wasn’t going to let a little urine get in her way. Before she could make it over to Tommy, he had began to crawl away in the opposite direction, screaming for her to leave him alone and calling out for security as he was just nearly murdered for the amusement of those watching. They left the dunk booth and Tommy led them into another area of this clusterfuck of a circus theme setup. She pulled him up from the floor but he slipped from her hand, and she slipped in his watery tracks. They both fell to the ground.

With both of them down on the ground Tommy rolls himself outside of the ring. He stands and shakes the cobwebs out of his head. He looks towards the ring and Kae is up to her feet, but with her back towards Tommy. Tommy immediately gets onto all fours and starts to crawl away grabbing a water bottle in the process. He gets to the front side of the ring and he hears a shout from inside the ring and knows he’s been caught. Tommy looks around and sees the large 4CW whack-a-mole set up and hurries over to it and gets inside of it before Kae can get a hold of him. Tommy pops his head through one of the holes and starts grinning ear to ear.

LAUGHLIN: “Goddamn it, Tommy!”

TOMMY: “Hahahahahaha, what you gonna do now, man jaw?!?”

Tommy spits some water at Kae and starts laughing. Kae looks to her right and sees a large rubber mallet that Tommy obviously didn’t notice and smiles. She grabs the mallet and turns towards Tommy whose eyes are wide and isn’t laughing anymore. Tommy raises his hands through two of the holes and starts pleading with her.

TOMMY: “What the fuck, Kae?! You can’t!”

LAUGHLIN: “Batter up!”

Kae swings the mallet down at Tommy’s head, but he ducks back down into the box before she can hit it. Kae, is still smiling as Tommy pops his head out of a different hole.

TOMMY: “STOP! Not the face, Kae! This is my money maker!”

Kae swings down again as Tommy ducks into the box once more before he can get bopped in the head. From inside the box you can hear a profanity laced tirade from Tommy as he’s question what he is to do now. He puts his head through once more and Kae swings immediately, but misses. Tommy is now going from hole to hole popping his head out while Kae is swinging the mallet like she’s trying to knock Tommy’s head off, but she keeps missing and she’s getting angrier and angrier every time she does. After a bit of a delay, Tommy pops up through the hole again and Kae swings down a forceful blow and hits Tommy square on the top of the head and he crumbles back down the hole.

LAUGHLIN: “Like I said, all you need is to put the right amount of pressure and force down onto any bug to end it’s existence.”

Kae moves the whack-a-mole box out from against the barricade and drags American Tommy out from behind it. Tommy looks to be in daze as he’s not putting up much resistance. She looks up and spots the cannon not far away. Grabbing Tommy, she pulls him to his feet before dragging him across the arena and to the cannon. She goes to stick him in head first but Tommy grabs the sides of the cannon, keeping her from sticking his head in it. They struggle for a short moment before Kaelan grabs his head and slams his face onto the rim of the cannon. The thud of Tommy’s head slamming against the cannon echoes throughout the entire arena. Pulling him away from the cannon, she then drops him to the floor with a swinging neckbreaker. Popping back to her feet, she begins kicking and stomping down onto Tommy. Pulling him up from the floor, she then wraps him up with both arms before driving him backwards into the cannon. Tommy’s back slams against the cannon and bounces off just as Kaelan lifts him off his feet and slams him to the floor with a belly to belly suplex.

On top of Tommy Kaelan goes on a full on assault, punching him wildly as fast as she can. Standing to her feet, she pulled Tommy up to his. Holding him by the back of the head, she walked him over to the front of the cannon and then threw him forward. Just as Tommy’s head entered the cannon, he grabbed the sides of it, stopping himself from falling in any further. As he pulled his head out, Kaeklan was right there with a solid elbow to the back of his skull. Turning him around, she then began to pull him away from the cannon before slamming his back into it over and over. It was if she was trying to break his back! She just wouldn’t stop, over and over, she viciously slammed Tommy into the cannon. She then hits him with a European uppercut but to make it unique she gives a loud holler to follow. “OI!” she screams as the crowd fires back and yells “OI!” in unison. She then pushes Tommy up against the cannon, leaning him against it as he is hardly able to even stand on his own. Taking about ten steps back, Kaelan then charges forward before leaping into the air. She flies at Tommy feet first (like he’d have it any other way), going for his face with a drop kick. Now Tommy must not be feeling well today because any other time he would be jumping up and down with joy for the meal he was about to receive. But not today, not by a longshot. Maybe it was even something about Kaelan’s feet that he didn’t like because just as they came within inches of his face, he slipped down to a seated position. Overhead, Kaelan went into the cannon feet first, falling in completely up to her underarms.

She struggled to pull herself out, giving Tommy time to get to his feet before running to the back of the cannon. What he would find is nothing but a book of matches. Still wet from earlier, Tommy failed to strike match after match as the water has damaged them. Down to his final match out of a complete new book, he finally managed to catch a break as a flame was ignited. Quickly he moved his hand to the fuse but in doing so the flame was blown out. Oh boy was Tommy mad. It was his last match and he literally just blew his chances of lighting the fuse to the cannon. He raced to the front of the cannon where kaelan finally managed to begin pushing herself out. Placing both hands on her had, Tommy pushed her back in with all of his strength and it wasn’t easy one bit. It took everything he had for nearly a minute to finally shove Kaelan back down into it. To his surprise, there just so happened to be one of those tiny tricycles that you see a bear riding at a circue not far away. Rushing over to it, he quickly carried it back to the cannon and shoved it as far as he could into the cannon before it eventually became wedged. After that, Tommy searched and searched the area for something to use to ignite the fuse that would fire off the cannon. he even tried a few magic spells but per usual, nothing seemed to work. A scent then lingered in the air which led Tommy’s attention to midget CeeJay dressed in a monkey costume smoking a cigarette. Rushing over to him, Tommy snatched the cigarette from CeeJay’s hand which caused the little guy to throw a fit, acting just like a monkey as he began throwing handfuls of elephant dropping all over the place. Rushing over to the cannon, Tommy then held the cherry of the cigarette to the fuse, finally causing it to light!

This had to be the slowest burning fuse in all history. It literally took forever to burn while Tommy watched it closely, yelling at it to hurry up. A clank was then heard at the other end of the cannon where the tricycle had fallen to the floor. Kaelan popped her head out which angered Tommy until his mood completely changed to being afraid as the fuse reached its end and the cannon was set off.

BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!

… baby, boom! The cannon fired and erupting from the end was Kaelan. She was launched into the air, becoming the first ever flying Irish lass to be featured at a carnival. Flying across the ring she eventually landed on a safety net because you guess it, safety first! The camera cut back to Tommy who was turned in the opposite direction hunched over with both index fingers shoved into his ears. Another smell then lingered in the air, arguably the smell of Tommy soiling his underwear but we’ll leave that up to him to explain afterwards. It didn’t mattered if he did or not, what mattered is Kaelan was shot from the cannon and Tommy retained here tonight, adding onto his growing list of Ignition Championship defenses.

WINNER: American Tommy (21:33)

We cut to the backstage area, a locker room that appears to be empty is our scene for the moment. It’s quiet until we hear footsteps. Walking into the frame, we see Bryan Williams as he’s dressed for his upcoming match. Bryan stares into the camera, confidently, as he looks on ready to deliver this upcoming segment promo thing. Gabriel Hartman wanted in, but Bryan had to send him away. It’s been much too done recently, and Gabe was smelling rather rank. Either way, Bryan looks prepared for his match now. He’s quiet, for a moment, as he takes a moment to speak.

WILLIAMS: ”So, I’m here now. My venture into Octane has proven to be the right choice, here I stand before you ready to take on your current Octane Champion. Kaz Bonham has been everything this brand has needed for the moment, a young upstart with a fiery soul. Ready to burn whoever stood in her way. I always admired that about Kaz, but things have been changing lately. I see that it’s not so much about that anymore, but more about being the champion.”

Bryan thinks for a moment. He looks around the room, before letting out a small sigh.

WILLIAMS: ”These things happen, you grow an ego that begins to manifest and take a hold of you. Soon enough there’s no room for reason, no room for doubt. The only thing you have left inside you is that winning desire. I see that in Kaz, and I’m here to put a stop to that tonight.”

Bryan pauses, again, quickly speaking up this time.

WILLIAMS: ”Although, like Octane, I’m not here to put out that fire. I’m here to carry that torch into the new year. We’re already in March, and Octane is just getting better and better. Every show I attend, every match I watch, I take pride in being apart of this. Kaz can run me down about it all she likes, but the fact of the matter is this place is perfect for me. I belong here, and I’ve been showing that since I stepped through those doors. She wants to belittle me, and my choices. Well, that’s fine, that’ll be on her when it’s all said and done.”

Bryan begins to pace around the locker room, as he continues to speak.

WILLIAMS: ”I made the mistake of thinking I could run right through Kaz, and she showed me otherwise. Now, I have my chance, she’s tied at my wrist and there’s no going through me. You touch four corners, that’s all you need to win that Octane Championship. So there will be no going through me, Kaz. You will have to get around me if you want to keep your title.”

Bryan smirks, continuing to talk.

WILLIAMS: ”There has been enough talk between us, we’ve said enough about these two matches. I got my taste before, and frankly, I’m tired of talking. I’m tired of hearing about how I don’t match up to my potential. I’m tired of hearing about how Octane is more than me. The truth of the matter is, I don’t really care what you think anymore Kaz. This is it, and now it’s time to shut up. You’ll do what you do best in that ring, I’m sure of it. But if you really want to see what kind of potential Bryan Williams has…”

Bryan stops, looking into the camera.

WILLIAMS: ”You won’t have to wait very long for that. I’ll be seeing you out there, Octane Champ. Let’s hope that strap is your savior and not your downfall.”

And with that, Bryan is done. He leaves the locker room, leaving the scene quiet once again. The camera shot stays there for a moment, hovering on the lockers, as we quickly cut away back to the ringside area.

MAIN EVENT
OCTANE CHAMPIONSHIP
FOUR CORNERS STRAP MATCH

BRYAN WILLIAMS VS. KAZ BONHAM ©

“HEALTH” by TEARS begins to play. The song takes everyone by surprise, almost immediately a heavy drum track is what everyone hears. An unusual synth tone mixed in with it, it carries for a moment before a few long, and drawn out keys are added to the mix. It’s lumbering, carrying along before some vocals are heard.

”Love, save us once

We’re far from where we fall

Love, save us once

Beware what you want”

There isn’t that long of a pause before the song continues, the lights have already dimmed, strobe lights flashing along to the beat of the song. The voice comes in again, singing the next verse.

”Trust us now

It’s time to let me go

Give up on us

Follow what you want

Trust us now

It’s time to let me go

Give up

Give our soul away”

The song continues on, but a light shines at the entranceway. We see Bryan Williams standing there as Bryan walks out from the back head held down low. The song continues to play, as Bryan stands on the top of the ramp. With his head down, Bryan holds up his right hand and extends his pointer finger. He holds it up momentarily, eventually beginning to walk down to the ring as the song continues.

POWERS: “Coming to the ring from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at one hundred and ninety-four pounds! BRYAN WWIILLLLIIAAMMSS!!!”

Bryan makes his way to the ring, walking at a brisk pace towards the ring. He doesn’t waste much time getting into the ring, walking up the steel steps and climbing in through the top and middle rope. With a serious look on his face, Bryan stands in the ring waiting for his opponent.

TAYLOR: “Ladies and gentlemen it has been an absolute disaster of an evening so far. I JUST SAW THE BEAUTIFUL KAELAN LAUGHLIN GET LAUNCHED OUT OF A CANNON!”

CAMPBELL: “Haha.. it was great. And you know what we get now?! LEVIATHAN! LEVIATHAN! LEVIATHAN!”

LAWSON: “Chris he hasn’t gone by that in a long time.”

CAMPBELL: “I don’t care, Joe. I love Bryan Williams! I loved Bryan Williams BAY BAY! I loved Bryan Gosling Williams. And now I love generic beard man Bryan Williams. Even Got my Sadboiz shirt on underneath this nonsense Jimmy makes us wear.”

TAYLOR: “Ladies and gentlemen I may go to prison tonight for stabbing Chris in the throat. If I do.. it has been a pleasure bringing you the best commentary 4CW has to offer. Certainly better than anything that fat slob and father time are bringing you on Adrenaline.”

LAWSON: “Jesus Christ, Rachel. You’re supposed to be the unbiased one.”

TAYLOR: “IT HAS BEEN A BAD NIGHT JOE DON’T CRITICIZE ME I AM VERY EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW!”

“Jump” by Van Halen starts to play and the crowd begin to buzz with excitement. The synth picks up and Kaz Bonham steps out from the black curtain with the Octane championship around her shoulder. Kaz throws some scrunchies into the crowd and waves at various fans. She’s got a big smile on her face as she walks down to the ring, jumping along with the music, and slapping the hands of every fan she can.

POWERS: “Making her way to the ring, hailing from Watertown, Tennessee…weighing in at one hundred thirty-two pounds… ‘LITTLE BIGFOOT’… KAZ BBOONNHHAAMM!!!”

Jumping up to the ring apron, she wipes her boots on the mat before climbing through the ropes. Kaz runs up to the turnbuckle and holds her Octane championship up high as the crowd keeps cheering her on. She hops down from the turnbuckle and turns toward the center of the ring. Removing her jean vest, Kaz places it down in the corner and turns back, jumping in place as she gets ready for the match to begin.

TAYLOR: “YOU GOT THIS GIRL! WOOOOO GO KAZBAE!”

CAMPBELL: “Try not to bleed all over everything, Rachel. Fucks sake.”

TAYLOR: “Oh sure keep up with your misogynistic comments Chris. Sorry I don’t live by your standards of only speaking when spoken to and staying in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant.”

CAMPBELL: “What the hell?! I didn’t say any of that!”

LAWSON: “For gods sake these inter gender matches are going to be the death of me. Folks, tonight Kaz tries to conquer the OTHER Bryan in 4CW and solidify her status as Octane Champion. Will she do it? Well, she hasn’t found bigfoot yet but she’s proven herself to be much more gifted in the ring.”

CAMPBELL: “You ever see a Leviathan, Joe? They’ve got all kinds of tentacle thingies. It’ll be no problem for Bryan William to slap all four of those corners and then go back home to slapping that Sad Money Marquis BOOTAY if you know what I mean.”

LAWSON: “You’re only supposed to say that if you’re hinting at something subtly. You’re being about as subtle as a sledgehammer, Chris.”

TAYLOR: “Speaking of sledgehammers if Chris doesn’t shut the hell up I’m going to use one on his head like one of those carny games we saw outside the building tonight. For now, Kaz and Bryan are being strapped together. Probably not the first time a woman has taken a strap to Bryan.”

Indeed that’s exactly what the referee is doing, making sure the big leather strap is tightly placed around the wrist of both of the competitors. Once he’s comfortable with it being secure, he reviews the rules of the match with both Bryan and Kaz. Being a four corners strap match, in order to win the match a competitor must touch each of the four corners consecutively. If their momentum is broken, or if their opponent slaps one of the corners in between, they must start over again. Confirming with both Bryan and Kaz that they are comfortable with the rules, he then takes the Octane Championship and displays it for all four sides of the arena to see before handing it off through the ropes to the timekeeper. One last check between the challenger and champion was done and then the referee signalled for the bell and the main event was under way.

DING!!! DING!!!

As soon as the bell sounds Williams jerks on the strap violently and causes Kaz to fly forward and smack her face off of the canvas viciously. Smirking, Bryan then backs up and slaps the corner he had been standing in with his free hand. Clutching her nose, Kaz pushed herself up to her knees as Bryan stomped across the ring and slapped his hand on top of the second corner. Following the ropes, he proceeded to the third corner and slapped his hand on that one as well.

CAMPBELL: “Haha this is going to be over fast as hell. One more to go LEVIATHAN!”

Pushing herself up to her a vertical base as Bryan moved rapidly toward the fourth and final corner, Kaz sprinted at him quickly and leapt up onto his back, wrapping the strap around his throat and pulling back tightly. In spite of the fact that Kaz just climbed up his back like a spider monkey and was trying to choke the life out of him, Bryan reached out with his free hand and tried to swat at the rope. Loud groans erupted from the crowd as his hand missed the top turnbuckle pad by a matter of centimeters. Again Bryan reached out to try and slap the last turnbuckle but Kaz pulled back hard on the strap and sent both competitors tumbling down to the mat backward.

As they fell to the canvas, Kaz wrapped her legs around Bryan’s waist and continued wrenching on the strap. Struggling against it, Bryan tugged on the leather strap as hard as he could but Kaz now found herself in the advantageous position. Strength began to fade from Bryan’s arms until his ability to tug at the rope failed. Panic setting in, Williams started to try to sit up but Kaz just leaned back. Flailing his arms out in front of him the strength in them began to fail until all of the fight and the struggle in him was gone and his body went limp. In that moment, Kaz heaved a relieved sigh, relaxed the body scissors she had him in with her legs, and scooted out from underneath him. Pushing herself up to her feet slowly she checked her nose for blood from where she had smacked off the canvas a few moments earlier. Seeing nothing, she moved to the first turnbuckle pad and slapped it with her hand much to the delight of the crowd.

TAYLOR: “I think you’re right, Chris. This is going to be over really quickly. And Kaz is going to keep her championship. YOU GO GIRL!”

Using her hand on the top rope to guide her along to the next turnbuckle, she glanced back at Williams to make sure that he was still down. Still lifeless, Williams didn’t move as Kaz raised her hand and slapped the second turnbuckle and immediately began to walk toward the third. Just as she reached out and slapped the third one, Bryan began to stir. A difficult decision faced Kaz. She could try to rush toward the fourth turnbuckle and risk giving up momentum to Bryan Williams if he managed to cut her off, or she could give up on the turnbuckles for the moment and keep her momentum in the match. After a moments hesitation she decides to go with the latter. Just as Bryan gets to his feet she charges at him, planting both of her feet into his chest knocking him down with a big shotgun drop kick.

Kaz tried to climb back to her feet but instinctively Bryan wrapped the strap around his arm, preventing her from being able to move to far away. Grabbing a hold of his hair, Kaz hoisted him back up to a vertical base and then caught him straight across the chest with a knife edged chop. Dropping the strap so that it hung between them, Bryan clutched at his chest until Kaz knocked his hand away and then reeled back, lacing another chop right across his chest. She repeated the process once more, knocking Bryan’s hand out of the way before reeling back and looking for a third chip but this time Bryan Williams blocked it and then stepped inside her range, wrapping his arms around her waist before lifting her in the air, shifting, and then slamming her down to the mat with a well executed belly to belly suplex.

LAWSON: “After a close call for both competitors now we’re starting to see things really sort of even out. Who’s going to have that one big moment that shifts the tide and positions them for victory? Will it be the champion or the challenger?”

CAMPBELL: “Look. In a world filled with people like Rachel Taylor today who think that women have to be equal in everything I’m sure there’s plenty of people sitting at home hoping it’s going to be Kaz Bonham who has that big moment tonight. But it’s not going to be. Not against Leviathan Bryan!”

TAYLOR: “Would you stop calling him that you idiot. At least if I’m going to be biased toward the women I get their damn nicknames right. And Chris, I mean this with all the compassion in the world. When Little Bigfoot conquers your precious Bryan Williams you can cry on my shoulder.”

CAMPBELL: “Haha you mean like you did with Joe on the last Octane? Haha.”

Williams soon brings Kaz back up to a standing position and drags her to the corner nearby where he begins to bash her face off of the turnbuckle pad over and over again. He then wraps his arms around Kaz’s waist once more, this time from behind (oh baby), before hoisting her overhead with a picture perfect german suplex. How the hell they manage to do all these moves and shit without that strap getting all tangled up and fucked is beyond anyones ability to really comprehend but that doesn’t matter because it’s the main event and it’s Bryan Freaking Williams doing the duplexing.

Back up on his feet, Williams gestures for Kaz to get up. Well, really it was more like he implored her to do so and she obliged a bit woozily. Standing first with her back to him, she slowly and unsteadily turned to face the challenger who met her with a spinning back fist and then a big bicycle knee! RAGING DEMON! Kaz goes down hard but being the fighter that she is she immediately starts crawling toward the ropes to pull herself back up. Williams patiently waits, closing in on her once more and as Kaz gets back up to her feet Bryan pops her up into the air and catches her with a big knee strike straight to the face that stands Bonham back upright. He then spins and looks for a roaring elbow but Kaz falls down to her backside at the most opportune moment so that the elbow Bryan threw in her direction missed completely.

CAMPBELL: “Just missed on shotgun mouthwash!”

TAYLOR: “What’s Kaz doing though?!”

Indeed what was Kaz doing? When Bryan bent down to pick her up she smartly used the strap and wrapped it around both of his wrists, pinning his hands together. With her feet she tripped Bryan down to the canvas and then pulled the strap down to his ankles, wrapping it around them as well before pulling both his ankles and wrists to each other, wrapping the strap around both of them as well making it impossible for Williams to do anything but sit there tied up. Almost like she’s done it before, Kaz then lifts up the whole weight of Bryan Williams and tosses him over her shoulder, carrying him like a garbage sack tossed over her shoulder with the strap keeping him there.

LAWSON: “What the… did she just..”

TAYLOR: “GREAT STRATEGY! She just hog tied Bryan Williams like any good southern girl would know to do!”

Sauntering over to the first turnbuckle, Kaz slaps her hand down off of it. Hanging down from her back Bryan fights against the leather bindings, trying to get his hands or his feet free but to no avail.

TAYLOR: “ONE!”

You can almost hear Kaz talking to him telling him he needed to calm down ya’ll and that it would all be over soon. He didn’t need to worry about anyone telling him he had a purdy mouth. This wasn’t deliverance. This was just a four corners strap match for her championship that she needed to retain so that she could keep paying the bills that came in her hunt for bigfoot. And then she slapped the second turnbuckle.

TAYLOR: “TWO!”

Taking a deep breath, Kaz waited for just a moment and commented on the fact that Bryan maybe should consider eating less carbohydrates. Catching her breath as Bryan continued to try and find a way to squirm free, Kaz began to trounce toward the third corner which she reached moments later, slapping her hand off of it as well.

TAYLOR: “THREE!”

CAMPBELL: “Oh god this can’t be happening…”

In a consoling voice, Kaz told Bryan that it was almost over and that he’d be free soon. That seemed to make Bryan fight harder but still found himself unable to pull his hands or feet free so he did the only thing he could think of to do. He started shouting at the top of his lungs and throwing the whole weight of his body back and forth trying to cause Kaz to lose her balance. Just before she could reach the fourth turnbuckle it managed to work, with Kaz tumbling over onto her side, the tension on the leather strap going slack leaving Bryan with the ability to hurriedly untie himself from the situation. As he got back to his feet, though, he immediately fell back down to the mat. I mean for christs sake the leather strap had surely been cutting of the circulation to his limbs and everyone knows how awful it is to try and walk on a leg that’s fallen asleep.

Before Kaz could get back up, Bryan rolled himself over to her and began head butting her desperately while shaking his hands and his legs in what surely was one of the most ridiculous scenes anyone had ever seen before in a wrestling ring. Not quite as bad as shitting oneself… or being carried away by midget clowns in a golf cart shower. But close. Regardless of how crazy it might have looked the strategy worked as the feeling came back to Williams extremities and he had managed to break the momentum of Kaz Bonham and keep her from reaching that fourth turnbuckle.

At the same time the two competitors got back to their feet but once more the strap came into play, this time in Bryan Williams favor as he folded a portion of it and then drew his arm back, cracking Kaz across the bare skin of her abdomen violently with the strap. A high pitched shriek of pain erupted from the champion as she dropped to her knees clutching her stomach that was undoubtedly starting to show a bright red welt from where Williams had just cracked the leather across her flesh. He then took a moment to walk to the nearby turnbuckle and slap it, beginning his sequence over once more.

CAMPBELL: “ONE!!”

With the folded leather still in his free hand, Williams circled around behind Kaz Bonham and cracked her across the back with the strap. Instinctively her hand moved from her abdomen to her back to try and soothe the sudden pain shooting through her body. With Kaz subdued and in great discomfort, Williams moved to the second turnbuckle and slapped it as well.

CAMPBELL: “TWO!”

Recognizing the position she was now in, Kaz forced the pain from her mind and pushed herself back up to her feet. Quickly she charged across the ring aiming a forearm and Bryan’s head but he ducked under, still with the leather strap folded in his hand, and dropped to a knee cracking her against the back of her thigh with the strap causing her to reach back and grasp her hamstring.

CAMPBELL: “THREE!”

TAYLOR: “SHUT UP JOE!”

Quickening his pace, Williams hustled toward the fourth and final corner but before he could get their Kaz jerked on the strap as hard as she could, halting Williams momentum and spinning him back in her direction. At the same time as he started to spin toward her, Kaz took off at full speed running at him, leaping and planting her feet straight into his chest, driving him down to the canvas with a double foot stomp.

TAYLOR: “DIXIE STAMPEDE!”

Kaz pushes herself back up quickly and dives toward the first turnbuckle, slapping it. She then moves toward the second turnbuckle, limping as pain continues to radiate through her leg where Bryan had just snapped the strap off of the back of her thigh a few moments earlier. Her hand slapped the second turnbuckle and then she moved onto the third, marching across the ring as the fans began to buzz.

LAWSON: “ONE MORE TO GO!”

CAMPBELL: “GET UP BRYAN! GET UP!”

TAYLOR: “STAY DOWN BRYAN! STAY DOWN!”

With all the fight he had left in him, Bryan rolled to his side and pushed himself back up to his feet. In seeming slow motion, he charged across the ring as Kaz hurried toward the fourth and final turnbuckle. The muscles of his legs going into overdrive, Bryan launched himself at Kaz Bonham, aiming a spear directly for her abdomen, determined to break her in half.

CAMPBELL: “HOLY SHIT WHAT A SPEAR!”

SSSSLLLLLAAAAAPPPPP!!

The spear connects but a hundredth of a second too late as Kaz’s hand slaps down onto the fourth and final turnbuckle just before Bryan Williams entire weight, thrown straight and her, nearly snaps her in half and sends both of them tumbling out through the ropes and down to the outside of the ring.

DING!!! DING!!! DING!!!

TAYLOR: “YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!”

CAMPBELL: “………………..”

In a scene similar to the previous Octane, except with roles reversed, Rachel Taylor launches her headset off of her head and climbs up onto the commentary table throwing her hands up into the air over and over again with a continuous chant of YES! Campbell, for his part, sits with his head in his hands unable to go on any further. Powers, enters the ring like the ring master that he’s been presented as all night long. A big ass whip in his hands as he motions to the top of the stage while announcing the winner.

POWERS: “Here is your winner… AND STILL OCTANE CHAMPION… KAZ… ‘LITTLE BIGFOOT’… BBOONNHHAAMM!!!”

As he announces the winner confetti flies everywhere. From the rafters trapeze artists begin to swing down performing all kinds of tricks. From the backstage area, down the entrance ramp, a horde of clowns in little clown cars drive down toward the ring paying no attention whatsoever to the two competitors. The Carnivale truly beginning as Rachel Taylor hops down off of the commentary table and returns to doing her job, pulling her headset back to her by its cord.

TAYLOR: “What a main event! What a night for women once again. Kaz Bonham I love you!”

LAWSON: “Indeed it was one hell of a main event that saw Kaz Bonham pull out the win by the skin of her teeth.”

TAYLOR: “Joe. I like you. But you don’t need to add the theatrics. Just sit there and say that Kaz won.”

LAWSON: “Kaz did win and it was a hell of a way to cap off an eventful night that saw the other two titles stay with their champions.”

TAYLOR: “Was bullshit what happened to Kaelan if you ask me. In a normal match she beats Tommy’s ass any day of the week. Going to have to speak with Jimmy about that nonsense human cannonball garbage.”

LAWSON: “Speak with him if you want but the title stays with Tommy tonight. Just like the titles stayed with Battleborn after a hard fought victory over two members of minority state in a scaffold match. If you ask me I hope we never see one of those ever again.”

TAYLOR: “Lets not forget about the shock victory we saw tonight too, with newcomer Craig Anderson gaining a hard fought win over veteran Jay Mora.”

LAWSON: “I worry about what happens to Jay after this loss. He hasn’t seemed himself lately but it’s just further evidence that the competition here on Octane is the hottest around.”

TAYLOR: “And the ladies are at the forefront of it. Bristol King and Adaya Duncan kicked things off in a classic ten minutes of mayhem match that set the scene for this circus the whole way through.”

LAWSON: “Plus we had a great match between QT Reese and Tornado Desencadenado that saw Tornado pull out a victory. And of course we can’t forget the gauntlet match that got turned into a singles match after two of the competitors were kidnapped in a shock appearance from Mya Denton and Nirvana and their clown posse.”

TAYLOR: “I don’t want to relive that. Especially not after Matt Mendez SOMEHOW managed to get a win over Trish Newborn. I’m hoping she files a grievance with the referee’s union. I think the count might have been a bit quick.”

LAWSON: “It’s been a wild wild evening of wrestling, and now the show is really going to kick it into another gear.”

TAYLOR: “THE CIRCUS HAS ARRIVED! I’M SO EXCITED!”

LAWSON: “Lions and Tigers and Bears OH MY! That’s all for us tonight, folks. We’ll see you in two weeks time when Octane comes to the Prime F. Osborn II Convention Center in Jacksonville Florida as we move full speed ahead toward South Beach Brawl. This is Joe Lawson, and for Rachel Taylor and Chris Campbell, I big you all goodnight!”

The final shot of the evening flashes across the screen and it’s of Kaz Bonham clutching the Octane Championship to her chest, Bryan Williams long gone to the backstage area by that point, with the circus going on all around her.