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Author Topic: (I don't wanna be) Part of your world  (Read 554 times)

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Offline Arizona's Most Wanted

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(I don't wanna be) Part of your world
« on: August 04, 2016, 03:01:07 AM »

So my ex is a tyrannosaurus.

What? That's a totally reasonable and understandable first thought to have in a promotional video showing yourself off for the first time in a new wrestling company, right?


Oh, well shit.

Time rewind, go!~

---------------------Time Rewind Went---------------------

[We cut in proper, to a man talking on a cell phone inside of a house. It's a decent-sized house, looks like it was probably the family home from when he was young. Because one doesn't have to flaunt stupidly expensive gimmick toys and shiny house and scream "LOOKIT ME IM SO RIIIIIIICH BITCH" to have money. You can actually act like a normal human being too.

Anyways, our protagonist doesn't seem too happy. Something has him a bit confused, perplexed, bamboozled, and maybe just downright annoyed. He sighs, says his goodbyes, and ends the call as he walks into the front room, staring wistfully out the back door at the beautiful Arizona sunset. It's so wistful his hair starts gently blowing in the wind. It would be the start of some heartbreaking dramatic monologue and maybe flashback in some romantic dramedy if it wasn't, y'know, a professional wrestling promotional video.]

"...Maybe he's right. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I just don't see how a world that's full of such wonderful things could be full of blithering idiot rich boiz and LAWYERS WHO ARE ALSO PSYCHOPATHS."

[Our hero runs his hand across his face in annoyance before resting it against his chin thoughtfully. 'Well at least I have the beauty of an Arizona sunset to cheer me up' before being rudely interrupted by]

"Really? You really don't see how-"

[Thankfully for you, he's quickly re-interrupted by our protag.]

"Quiet you. You're ruining the scene."

[The other voice shoutmutters something under his breath but otherwise complies and stays quiet. Our Hero runs a hand through his hair -still blowing wistfully- and turns to head down a hallway. Catching sight of the camera as he does, he waves and motions to follow. He steps up to a wooden door marked with "Vault" and stops, turning back to the camera, hand on the doorknob.]

"Gimme a minute, wouldya. Gotta tidy up a bit."

[And with that, he walks through the door, closing it before we're able to see anything inside. After some time, the door opens again and oh dear god why is he singing?]

"Look at this shit, isn't it neat? Wouldn't ya think my collection's complete?"

[The accompanying music kicks in just as the camera enters the large room, covered wall-to-wall in title belts and various other accomplishments.]

"Wouldn't you think I'm the boy, the boy who has... everythiiiiing?"

[Arms open wide, he smirks as he sings along with the music.]

"Look at this shelf, treasures untold, how much greatness could one great room hold? Lookin' around here ya think- sure, he's won everythiiiiing!"

[As our Hero does a small spin showing off at least a small part of his life's goals he's grinning like a maniac. Not an "Anna Badstreet" maniac, a "I love my job because I get to do stupid shit like this" maniac.]

"I've got certificates and trophies aplenty,"

[He motions to a large heavy glass cabinet filled with framed papers and trophies. We won't bore you with the details but there's a LOT.]

"I've got DVDs and action figures galore! You want Championships? I've got twenty. At least."

[He steps across the room to a fancy entertainment system, walls around it lined with hundreds of "Best of" DVDs along with various figures and other random assortments of items in his likeness. He picks up an awesome looking Pop!Vinyl recreation of himself and smiles before setting it back down on the edge of the TV stand.]

"But who cares? No big deal. I want moooooooore!"

[Our hero strikes the obligatory exaggerated pose at the last word. Of course he does. Throw in an exaggerated twirl for good measure.]

"I wanna be where the people are, I wanna take, wanna take all your titles! Stompin' nobodies into the ground with those, what do ya call 'em? Oh yeah, boots."

[He picks up another random figure on the desk. This one with KUNG FU ACTION! He used it to kick various other Pop!Vinyl's in the head, knocking them onto the ground]

"Kickin' people in the head, they don't get too far. Brains are required for winning, staying conscious. Jumpin' offa that, what's the word? Turnbuckle."

[Looks back at the camera with a wide grin. Stare into the eyes of your dooooooooooooom~! Well, okay, not your doom. Just the guy who's gonna tap dance on your necks and backs until you pass out. Now think about how that guy's doing a Little Mermaid parody and re-evaluate your life choices.]

"Up where I fly, up where you die, up where the winners win and the losers go back to thinking calling yourself a "psychotic sadist" or "the infinite god" is cool and edgy in twenty-sixteeeeeeeeeeeen! -And one of you had the balls to make fun of MY stupid made up nicknames. Please-

I wanna see, wish I could be, part of your 4CW Wooooooooorld!"

[Again, exaggerated pose.]

"What would I give, if I could live out my dreams, of beating Dante Anglais unconscious for stealing my finisher? Who could I pay, for the chance to set fire to the book of lame emo nicknames Anna Badstreet chose I mean really the psychotic sadist, the deliciously deranged who the fuck thinks this kind of shit is scary anymore- oh wait I'm getting off track."

[Says the guy doing a Little Mermaid parody.]

"Quiet, you."

[Back to singing.]

"Betcha in the ring, they'll understand, they shouldn't underestimate the Assassin~
'Cause I'll shoot 'em dead, point blank, with my Revolver!"

[This would be an epic shot: our hero, eyes fixed on the camera, hand pointed like a gun directly at the center of the camera, it's pretty intimidating. If it wasn't about to be ruined by]

Brandon Young from outta f'n nowhere: "Annnnnd ready to know what the people know! Ask 'em the hard hitting questions and get some real answeeeeers! What's an Anna Badstreet and why do they- Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck?"

[The door slams open as another man- shorter, darker skin tone and probably more of an asshole than the first, suddenly barges into the room at full speed, running into the shot with his own exaggerated posing and singsonging. The first male does not look pleased.]

Adrian Tanner Junior, your hero and mine: "Brandon, for fuck's sake."

[The Arizona Assassin palms his face, then holds up a hand and the music stops dead in his tracks as he looks at his best friend and partner-in-mocking-the-dumb.]

Adrian: "Okay look man I was trying to avoid saying things like that I mean if you tell people they suck and you beat 'em well you just beat a couple people who suck so why should anyone care you know? I was trying to give them some form of recognition, some self-esteem, some motivation to come after me so that when I DO beat 'em it actually means something for the slightest amount of time that beating Anna Badstreet and Dante Anglais is going to mean something when you're me but hey at least it'll mean something for a small amount of time and that only makes yours truly look that much better y'know?"

[Both men stare at each for a long moment, Brandon scratching his head in confusion at what just happened. Only at that part though, not at the rest of the ridiculous song-and-dance number, no. Just that.

Brandon: "What-"

[Before the Young Gun can question anymore, Adrian bursts back into song, the music coming back in like it never left.]

Adrian: "Into that ring, doin' the things only I can dooooooo! Wish I could be, -not really but for the sake of the song- part of that woooooooooorrrrrrrllllddddd- if that world is me punching your face until you're shouting 'ow please mister Tanner my face please stop punching me in the face."

[Heroic pose, go~ The music slowly, veeeeeeeeeery slowly, fades out.]

Brandon: "...Again, what?"

Adrian: "Listen just, let me have this one."

Brandon: "Sorry, but nah."

Adrian: "Would you rather go back to doing tape review for promotional number two, mister Manager Extraordinaire?"

Brandon: "DEAR GOD NO! There's only so much of Leela Badstreet Single Female Lawyer and Trying Too Hard 101 that a man can take in a day."

Adrian: "Exactly."

[Time passes. Both men are quiet. It's weird and kinda awkward.]

Adrian: "So."

Brandon: "So."

[More time passes. Adrian quirks a brow, glancing around the room before back at Brandon.]

Adrian: "Did I... just do a Little Mermaid parody?"

Brandon: "You sure did. My cameo was pretty great, I have to say. But your singing man, top notch."

Adrian: "What did I even accomplish? What was the point of that again?"

[Regret. The point is regret.]

Brandon: "Narrator guy, please. Well I mean, you talked shit about your opponents, showed a smidge of who you were personality-wise -only a smidge because you never wanna give away everything first night of course- and did it in a faaaaaaar more interesting and entertaining way than Anna Badstreet's rambling 'wharrrgarbl i'm scary and evil and dark and madface beware' and... whatever the fuck that episode of G4's Cheaters was that Dante put out. I'd say job well done."

Adrian: "...Huh. Good point. And my  singing voice was pretty top notch."

[Even I don't hate it anymore!]

Brandon: "Haha! Brandon Young, Manager Extraordinaire strikes again!"

[Fist pumps galore for the Young Gun!]

Adrian: "Don't push it."

Brandon: "I'll push you!"

[...wait for it.]

Brandon: To be a better talent by being an awesome coach and cornerman yeah-uh!"

Adrian: "I hate you sometimes."

[The Arizona Assassin shakes his head, though he chuckles slightly under his breath.]

Brandon: "Yeah well too bad, you're stuck with me. You signed me into the manager's contract."

Adrian: "A decision I regret only slightly."

Brandon: "And Perry Wallace signing you to 4CW?"

Adrian: "A decision the entire roster's going to regret for as long as I'm here."

Brandon: "Damn right. He's here to kick ass and chew bubblegum! And he's all outta bubblegum!"

Adrian: "..........."

Brandon: "What?"

Adrian: "Alright, now I'm done."

More head shaking, more face palming, as our Hero walks past Brandon on his way out of the room, and the scene. But as he does he has a few, final words.]

Adrian: "4CW! You can be my friend, you can be my enemy, my lover, my tamagotchi, my pet werewolf- I don't care. I came here for one reason and one reason only. To win all  your Championships. Everything else is just icing on the cake. The very large, very tasty cake for winners.

Like me.

Winning is kinda what I do."

[There's the smirkô. You will hate that smirk.]

Adrian: "The other two, though? They get to eat boot, eat losses and, perhaps most importantly-"

[He points his hand at the camera in a gun motion.]

Adrian: "Eat lead."

[With that, he cocks the 'gun' and 'fires,' and we

F A D E.]