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Author Topic: Miracle on NEXTWAVE street  (Read 196 times)

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Offline Arizona's Most Wanted

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Miracle on NEXTWAVE street
« on: December 15, 2016, 04:46:06 AM »
Adrian: Are you there, God? It's me, Adrian.

We open up to our Hero, Adrian Tanner Junior, waiting patiently at a stop light while out for a leisurely stroll around town. He is wearing black khakis and a green Asshole Antagonists 'ugly christmas sweater' (available now on!)

Adrian: God, we need to have a little chat. I've been good, haven't I? I don't understand why the world keeps forcing me to suffer The Stupid in new and variously annoying ways. I mean yeah, I recognize that the majority of 4CW is cursed with The Stupid, but surely you can make it so the people in charge at least occasionally put me in a match with someone who I don't have to explain in great detail just why they're wrong in every single way possible about me. Someone I don't have to point out repeatedly how dumb they sound when they open their mouths. That's not too much to ask, is it?

As our Hero waits for the light we quick-cut to a few blocks up the road, where we find Cecil Kennedy standing next to a car that just so happens to have one Brandon Young at the driver's seat. For some reason Brandon is wearing a full on race car driver's outfit, complete with jacket, racing gloves and large racing goggles pulled up over his head. Brandon revs the engine as Cecil stands nearby shaking his head.

Cecil: I just want to go on record in saying this is a terrible idea.

Brandon: You say that about every idea I have.

Cecil: Because every idea you come up with is a terrible idea.

Brandon: And yet, you're not trying to stop me.

Cecil: Because a) I know it's pointless, and 2) it's going to be amusing when he punches you to death.

Brandon: Pfft, he's not gonna do that.

Cecil: You say that now.

Brandon: Hey Ceece?

Brandon grins as he pulls down the comically large racing goggles over his eyes.

Cecil: Yeah?

Brandon: You were right, you can't stop me.

And he's off, tearing down the road at a... moderate pace. Cecil would be surprised if he didn't already know Brandon's plan. Cecil sighs, saluting the car as it goes. It's Brandon. There's no use fighting it.

Cecil: So long, Gay Bowser.

Smash cut back to Adrian, who's finally been given the right by the Light Gods to cross the road.

Adrian: I mean really, God, I don't see why it's so much to ask to oh what the FUCK-

Unfortunately for him, that's the moment the moment where Brandon's car comes right at him. A loud honking sound is heard, followed by a bright flash of bright white light and then- Nothing.


Adrian: Are you fucking kidding me?

We open up once more, inside of a matrix-looking room with a large board of tv-monitors on a wall showing various scenes of people living their lives. Brandon Young and Adrian Tanner stand in front of the monitors, Brandon now wearing large plastic wings tacked on to his racing jacket as well as a halo crown above his head, comically oversized racing goggles still covering his eyes. Adrian looks the same except angrier.

Brandon: I had to make it look realistic!

Adrian: You HIT ME WITH A CAR!

Brandon: It was more for effect than anything else, you're fine!

Adrian: That doesn't change the fact that you HIT ME WITH A CAR!

Cecil voice over: For the record, I told him this was a terrible idea.

Brandon: Shut up Cecil, you're not here!

Adrian: Don't worry Ceece, it's only HIM I'm angry at.

Brandon: HEY.

Adrian: You HIT ME WITH A-

Brandon: Alright alright! Look, I had to do it for effect for the promotional.

Adrian: Uh huh. Which is...?

Brandon presses a button and a large banner falls from the roof of the room.

Brandon: Ta-dah! Adrian Tanner, It's a Wonderful life!

Adrian: Right now it's really not, but- continue.

Brandon: Look man, I know its the Holidays and all, your parents are dead, and you've had a rough couple of weeks. I just want to show you that life's still worth something- you're still worth something!

Adrian: Okay well first of all, that's a nice sentiment. Thank you. But it would have a deeper meaning if you hadn't HIT ME WITH A CAR!

Brandon: How else was I supposed to-

Adrian: -I'm not done. Secondly, as you well know, I've long since come to terms with not having my parents around for Christmas but hey thanks for bringing that up! I'm sure that won't be picked up by my opponents for the next month or so anything. No way THAT could happen. Thirdly-

Cecil voice over: I don't think 'thirdly' is a word.

Adrian: Ceece, c'mon man.

Thirdly,  as I don't consider Douchess beating Raab for MY Title an actual loss, the only real 'rough spot' I've had the last month was the loss in the Pride Title qualifier and- while I don't particularly care for her personality or who she hangs around? Marquis is a fucking badass so I'm okay taking the L to her. Also given that loss was the first time I've been pinned in my four months in the company, I'm really not that bothered by it. So I'm still at a loss as to why this is a thing but fuck it, let's pretend all those things do bother me and see where this ridiculous movie parody goes to.

Brandon: Thank you! Now, we'll start easy. Focus your eyes on that monitor up there, and you'll see one Jonathan Evil, a young man who- like you- just wants to make wrestling a better place. For his child and all the rest, by being the best high risk taking Daredevil he can be! But like you, Johnny's had a bit of a rough time lately, what with having his daughter kidnapped by a c-list wrestler pretending to be a b-list Batman villain. Imagine if you would though, how much worse his life would've been if he'd never met you, and the AA had never been formed.

The camera shifts to focus on the monitor Brandon talks about, zooming in until it becomes the focus of the scene itself.

In the new scene, we see Johnny Evil, now known as Johnny Good, taking care of his adorable baby who's not been kidnapped by a drugged out clown who had to explain how wrestling matches work to a guy who grew up in the fucking business. He has a nice paying 9-5 job, probably in an office somewhere. His life is generally easy and fun as he gets to spend more of it with Baby Rhiannon.

The camera zooms back to Adrian and Brandon. Adrian's face has not changed since this bit started.

Adrian: You realize the 'Evil' part of Johnny's name isn't an opposite of good but a notation of his Evil Kinevil motivation, yes? Also what the fuck Brandon? This is supposed to convince me my life's worth living?

Brandon: Dude come on, speaking as someone who spent six weeks sidelined at home thanks to my broken arm- I love my daughter but that shit's boring as fuck. Normal lives aren't meant for guys like us. If you hadn't shown up in 4CW the week before he might not've joined up, and the AA would've never been formed, and he would be living a boring life for borings! It's just science, man.

Adrian: Nothing about this is 'science,' man. But whatever, let's just move on and get this over with.

Brandon: That's the spirit! Next!

The camera zooms in on another monitor and we follow the same pattern as before, with the zoom going in until it becomes the new scene.

In the new scene we see Bryant Tanner, eldest brother of Adrian and the man who trained him, training a new protege. The new wrestler quickly rises up the ranks of every wrestling company, winning world titles everywhere he goes and accomplishing all his goals in record time. He even runs for President of Earth and wins, announcing Bryant as his vice president. Bryant couldn't be more proud and even proclaims the protege to be the 'younger brother he never had.'

The scene cuts back to Brandon and Adrian. Adrian looks ready to murder. But murder's too easy for Brandon, so instead he just sighs.

Adrian: You are awful at this.

Brandon: C'mon man, have you seen who the President is, or going to be? That shit's the worst. Bryant definitely got the better deal here!

Adrian: Cecil, wanna cut in here before I punch Brandon to death?

Cecil voice over: Nope, I'm good, other than to say 'I told you so.' To him, not you. Frankly he deserves it for that bullshit.

Brandon: Don't call me frankly.

Cecil voice over: That's not how that joke works.

Adrian: Okay, well, it's time for you to become a real angel-

Brandon: Wait! Just- Just gimme one more chance. I promise you this one is the best.

Adrian: That's not inspiring confidence in me.

Brandon: Please. It's Christmas.

Adrian: ...Fiiiiine.

Brandon: Woo! Roll it.

You get the idea by now.

The new scene shows much younger versions of Brandon, Cecil, and Adrian's older sister Kaycee. But shows no sign of Adrian himself.

Without Adrian there to be the common staple among the four friends, the three others simply go on their separate ways. Brandon and Cecil never meet through Adrian and become friends, Brandon never meets Kaycee and they never fall in love, never have Olivia.

Without Adrian Cecil never meets Bryant, never gets the itch to wrestle and goes on to become an engineer for NASA or some other high paying Science-y type place. It's a cushy job but something always feels like it's missing from his life.

Brandon never meets Adrian or Bryant, or Kaycee, and spends his days instead flunking out of high school and becoming a chef at his mother's restaurant for a time, before making up his lost grades with a GED and going to culinary school. He becomes a high priced chef for a fancy 4-star restaurant but without Kaycee, without Adrian or Cecil, he feels lost, also feels like something's missing.

Kaycee continues on like her life track would've taken her before she met Brandon or got more involved in her little brother's life, going to college and graduating with top marks in the Accounting program. She marries a top draw lawyer and moves to the other side of the country, becoming estranged from her 'wrestler brothers.' It's not a terrible life by any means, but it's not true love. It's not the family life she's come to know and adore being in the big family that comes with being a Tanner-Young member.

Generally they all live okay lives, but its different and feels wrong without Adrian in it.

The scene shifts back to Adrian and Brandon in 'real life' and Adrian just- tilts his head at the monitor.

Adrian: ...Okay, I'll give you that one. That one was... nice.

He's not crying you're crying.

Adrian: But why didn't you show that one first?

Brandon: Helloooooooooo, promotional! As your manager it's my job to motivate you, to be a better you. If I had shown that one first you wouldn't have been pissed at me, or had the fire you just had to murder me, which you can now use to murder other people who are not me.


He glances up at the ceiling.

Brandon: HAH! Fuck you Kennedy, you floating voice over fuck! I told you it would work!

He glances back down at Adrian.

Adrian: Brandon I love ya buddy, but it's you. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't take much to make me pissed at you. But still-

Our Hero offers a hand to his best friend.

Adrian: Merry Christmas, Brother.

Brandon: Merry Christmas, man.

Brandon takes the handshake, and Adrian pulls him into a hug.

Cecil voice over whispering: Gaaaaaaaaaaay.

Brandon: Shut the fuck up and get down here and join the hug, asshole.

Adrian: What he said.

Cecil Kennedy outta f'n nowhere: Right.

Cecil joins the hug.

NEXTWAVE: Making hugs cool since 1997.

After that chipper scene, we cut to nothing.


We come into focus once more, this time in a much more festive locale. Inside the Tanner-Young household, our Hero is sat on the couch watching Christmas movies while keeping track of the baby monitor next to his seat. A Christmas tree shines bright from the corner, presents already stacked underneath it. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care. It's a nice setting. So of course it's about to be slightly ruined with talk of beating people to death in wrestling rings. But C'est la vie. Adrian takes a sip of his hot cocoa, stirring the tiny marshmallows around before he begins.

Adrian: Howdy ho, 4CDub. It's Christmas-tine in the good ol' US of A and that means Winter Wasteland time, apparently! I wouldn't know 'cause I'm not on Winter Wasteland but hey, just gives me more motivation to be on the next one am I right? Right!

The Arizona Assassin shakes his head with a small chuckle, taking another sip of his cocoa.

Adrian: Hiya Viduu Sassoon, and welcome to 4CW.

Fortunately for you you got here just in time to be a focal point of the Also-rans for Winter Wasteland.

Unfortunately for you, instead of getting the 4CW equivalent of The Price is Right with an easy to punch ticket to big money and big winnings over some shlub who hasn't shown up in 4 months, you got picked to play in the Bob-Barker-Punching-You-In-The-Face-Until-You-Stop-Getting-up-version because The Price is WRONG, bitch!

I know, I know. Bad Happy Gilmore joke, but that's me. I make jokes sometimes. It's part of my charm. So is the punching you in the face until you don't get back up part. That part wasn't a joke.

He smirks, taking another sip.

Adrian: Mmm, that's good cocoa.

Y'wanna open my eyes, Vinni Vidu Vichi? My eyes are already open, friend. My dreams came true the minute I stopped being polite and started getting real!

Did I use that joke already? I feel like I did. Oh well. Anyways.

But nah, my dreams have already come true. I'm living it every time I step through those ropes, every time I get to put on classic matches like the one with Jair before some fucktard got involved, every time those people chant my name even well into the end of the night when I'm already in the back preparing for the next one, every time I get to go out there and remind people that I am the BEST Light Heavyweight in this or any other Business. That's my dream. And I've been living it for 5 plus years.

He pauses, glancing over at the walkie talkie on the cushion next to him. What sounds like a toddler starting to cry starts to echo through the speaker, but it quiets down into snoring quickly enough. Adrian turns back to the camera.

Adrian: There's no anger, Videu Killed the Radio Star. What you call anger, I call passion. I am passionate about this business because this business is my life. And I want my life, and the people in my life, to be successful and happy. For that to happen, The Stupid can't be allowed to exist. Or at least, not as much as it exists now. I know The Stupid will always exist, because as Tommy Lee Jones said in Men in Black: A person is smart, people are dumb. But as someone who puts their faith in the purity of wrestling as a sport I will always do what I can to make sure that The Stupid spreads just a little bit less every chance I get.

I'm not a preacher. I don't preach. I don't care if people listen to me, because most people don't. I just tell it like it is. Sometimes that makes me an Asshole, but I've never claimed to be perfect. I am who I am, I am what I am, and I'm proud of what I am.

He pours some more mini-marshmallows into his cup, stirring them as he continues to speak.

Adrian: I am one of the good ones,  Viduu. It's just that the bad ones, especially in this place, are really, really bad. But at the end of the day if they don't wanna listen to my advice, that's not my problem. Because usually by that point I've already stomped them into a pile of goo on the mat and moved on to bigger and less Stupid things.

No I'm not a preacher. Preachers want you to follow their words and their words only. I'm just trying to give a little bit of life advice from an elder statesmen in the business, like my forebrothers did for me. Pass the good fortune if you will.

This right here? This is wordplay, not preaching. It's a way to get into your head, to find out what makes you tick. Usually there's not a lot to find but you, I think you're different.

Of course, you're not gonna be much different from the rest when you're a smear of blood and sweat on my boot, but until that point comes we can have some fun.

He swirls the mixing stick a few more times into the cocoa before taking another sip.

Adrian: You lost me with the building shopping malls and shit, man. Is it the rich thing? Is this another knock on me for having money and knowing what to do with it because I gotta tell ya, been there done that made it my bitch the first match in this company.

I'M the one killing this company? MY kind are the ones killing this company? Look around man, me and Johnny and Jair and the like? We're the only ones intent on SAVING this place from becoming the dark cesspool of twitter trolls and darkness that it's falling into. Nobody needs Elijah Carlson, 4CW Champion, Vidu.


My kind of people are the kind of people this place and every other wrestling organization should flock to, and around. WE are the kind of people who want wrestling to succeed because it's WRESTLING, and WRESTLING is what we love more than life itself. I don't want to 'kill' 4CW, or 'break it down' or whatever. I want 4CW to thrive because I like being here. But I want it to thrive for the right reasons. And if I have to make those right reasons happen by myself then God as my witness that's what I'm gonna do.

I don't automatically hate you, Viduu, so that's a win for you already. But that's the only type of win you're gonna get outta this match. Because while I don't agree with my best friend's assessment from earlier in this thing the truth is I DO kinda need to get back on track. I shouldn't be stuck on freaking Adrenaline when the rest of the Boys are lighting it up Winter Wasteland.

So that's what I'm gonna do, Viduu.

Heh, that rhymed.

I'm gonna use as an example, Vids. I'm gonna use this match to show everyone that's about to spend the next three months saying some form of "you've lost a step" that I have NOT, in fact, lost any steps. Everyone takes a tumble, even the Best Light Heavyweight in this Business. But it's not about how far or how hard you stumble. It's about what you do when you get back up.

I'm getting back up, Viduu, and I'm getting back up with a vengeance. I'd say sorry but- apologies are for things worth apologizing for. And this? This is just business.

Business I'm good at, Viduu. You might even say

He makes a gun with his hand, pointing at the camera, a crooked grin on his lips.

Adrian: I'm a Blast at it.

He 'fires' the gun.'

Adrian: Bang. You go dead now.