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Offline Arizona's Most Wanted

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A Fist Full of Stupid
« on: February 13, 2017, 04:57:27 AM »
Warning: Nobody gives a flying fuck about Matthias Barrows' stupid warnings. They are bad and he should feel bad. Wrestling is a fucked up place and if you think putting a warning in front of your promo makes you special you are, as usual, wrong.

Matthias Barrows viewing discretion is advised

- A day in the life -

6:00 am - wake up

6:15 am wake up for real after hitting snooze button

6:30 am wake up again after hitting snooze one last time. It was a long night.

6:40 am get dressed, head out for morning run

7:40 am back from run, take shower

7:55 am start cooking breakfast

8:30 am eat breakfast

8:35 am first call from Brandon, ignore it. Eating

8:48 am second call from Brandon, ignore it, still eating

9:00 am fifth call from Brandon. Think about smashing phone with nearby hammer. Then think about smashing Brandon with nearby hammer. Ignore it for Brandon's sake.

9:30 am finally answer Brandon, get dressed and head to Bryant's school to train

10:00 am say hi to older brother at Notorious Academy, morning workout session

10:15 am workout session interrupted by Brandon, once again consider smashing with hammer.

10:30 am continue workout session

11:00 am finish workout, quick shower, meet up with Brandon. Decide not to smash with hammer only for the sake of sister and niece.

11:15 am follow Brandon to remote location for "training" - code word for "some stupid idea he came up with that's sure to almost get me killed"

11:38 am "training" confirmed for bad idea. Brandon rented out zoo for "private party," somehow got control of zoo cages. All hell breaks loose. No idea how he does this shit. re-consider smashing with hammer

11:46 am hide in guard tower with security. gorilla pounding on door outside. Brandon seen riding giraffe and howling like madman through security gate

11: 55 am somehow escaped gorilla, being stalked by tiger. security guards leading tiger away, hope they don't get eaten in the process.

12: 08 pm catch sight of Brandon riding dolphin in aquarium. Dolphin doesn't belong in aquarium. Neither does Brandon. Sigh and continue on.

12:22 pm attacked by birds while trying to hide out in aviary. saved by gorilla

12:23 pm chased by gorilla

12:27 pm saved by security team with tranquilizers, Brandon seen riding on flamingo. Urge to smash with hammer rising

12:40 pm escape zoo alive somehow. security team corner Brandon at exit, threaten with tranq darts. One of them might have real gun.

12:41 pm consider letting him use it

12:47 pm finally decide to talk security guards out of shooting Brandon

12:48 pm almost immediately regret talking security guards out of shooting Brandon

1:00 pm lunch at diner with Bryant and Cecil. Brandon forced to stay in car.

1:15pm stop Bryant from shooting Brandon. Didn't even know he had a gun.

2:15 pm back to Notorious Academy for real training and match prep

4:20 pm shower, tape study.

4:45 pm promotional time

6:05 pm dinner, drinks and business meeting

7:45 pm short run to work off drinks

8:00 pm family gathering at Brandon's house, make Bryant, Brandon and Cecil keep zoo experience under wraps so Kaycee doesn't shoot Brandon

8:15 pm hang out with niece and nephews until bed time. For the kids.

8:20 pm board/card games with family.

8:35 pm Kaycee finds out about zoo.

8:40 talk Kaycee out of shooting Brandon

10:00 pm head home

10:05 pm late-night swim in pool to relax.

11:30 pm watch netflix in bed

12:07 am wake up from nightmare involving gorilla from zoo

12:08 am talk self out of shooting Brandon

12:10 am fall back asleep


We open up to what looks like the inside of a pub. What lights there are, are dim and kept pointed towards the stage in the back of the room. There's a seating area with various tables scattered around on the floor before the stage, and a sign reading Amateur Hour" next to a set of steps leading up onto the stage. There aren't a lot of people in the crowd tonight, but it's enough to pay the bills and that's all that matters.

Announcer: And up next folks, please welcome to the stage our very own, Adrian Tanner Junior!

The crowd cheers and claps as our Hero, Adrian Tanner Junior walks up onto the stage, guitar in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. He grabs a stool on the stage and moves it near the microphone set up in the middle. He takes a big gulp of the water before setting it down next to him, then sits down on the stool and strums a few quick notes on the guitar to make sure its tuned correctly. He taps the microphone a few times to make sure it's working as well.

Adrian: This one goes out to my boy Matty Burrows.

He starts strumming the guitar. You had no idea he could play, but he's actually pretty good. Like he is at a lot of things. As he play, he moves closer to the mic and starts to sing in a slow, bluesy voice.

Adrian: I can hear what you're thinkin'
All your doubts and fear.

And if you look in my eyes
in time you'll find, the reason I'm here.

He takes a hand away momentarily to gesture towards his eyes in time with the song, which glare determined at the camera.

Adrian: And in time all things shall pass away
In time, you may come back some day...

To live once more
Or die once more....

The emphasis on 'die,' and he cracks a small smirk.

Adrian: But in time, your time
will be no more....

The guitar strumming grows softer for a moment, in tune with the singing.

Adrian: You know your days are numbered
Count 'em one by one

Like notches in the handle of an outlaw's gun

Another small smirk.

Adrian: You can outrun the Devil, if you tryyyyy!

But you will never outrun the hands of time

And in time there'll surely come a day
In time all things shall pass away
In time you may come back, some say...

Adrian: To live once more
Or die once more

Again, the emphasis on 'die.'

Adrian: But in time your time will be no more...

The guitar strumming speeds up, gets more frantic, building to a final beautiful crescendo of death, before it tapers off, and the music slowly, stops... One final strum, one last line of the song.

Adrian: I can hear what you're thinkin'...

Everything goes silent. A long moment passes, then the small crowd showers him with cheers and applause. He grins, taking a sip of his water as he stands up. He takes a bow with the guitar, then walks off stage.

Announcer: Adrian Tanner Junior, everyone!

He walks off stage, setting the guitar down next to it's case. A man who looks a little like Brandon if he had long hair and wore a suit walks up to him.

Jeremiah Young: Man, you just keep getting better with that thing. Great stuff out there.

Adrian: Heh, thanks. The song's not mine but, I got kinda inspired the other day. Figured I'd give it a try.

Jeremy: Well when you wanna consider a career in music instead of wrestling, lemme know and I'll hook you up.

Adrian chuckles, but shakes his head.

Adrian: Hah, you know that ain't happening, man.

Jeremiah Young: I know, I know. Wrestling is your life and all that. But still, always good to have a fallback career.

Adrian: That is true, yeah. I'll consider it.

Jeremy: Good man.

Jeremy pats Adrian on the shoulder and walks off to carry on his hosting duties. Adrian takes another long sip of his water bottle before taking a seat in the nearest booth, away from the crowd but close enough to see whatever comes on stage next.

Adrian: As your so-called "unpinned, untapped" reign prepares to come to a fiery end, as you steel yourself against the tide of sadness and depression that will follow when you fail horribly against the weight of my awesomenes, as you prepare to meet your end at the hands of the Reaper that is my Golden Gun, my Revolver, I want you to remember one thing, Matty.

He leans forward, a more decisive smirk playing on his lips.

Adrian: I told you so.

He leans back.

Adrian: Did I strike a nerve, Matty? Not used to going at someone with a brain, eh? I know it's tough in this company to find someone competent to square off against that doesn't spout the usual "you're garbage I'm the best" drivel, but it had to happen at some point. Logic, and statistics, dictate it as a fact.

Although I get the feeling 'brains' and 'facts' are something that elude you on most days.

He sighs. It's gonna be one of those matchups. Then again, this is 4CDub. When isn't it one of 'those' days?

Adrian: Where do I even start with this, Matty? It's like fighting a five year old.

Actually no, I'm pretty sure my five year old nephew could wipe the floor with you, at least on a verbal level.

Yeeeeep, gonna be one of those days.

Adrian: Okay, so It's like fighting a five year old with brain damage.  I mean you basically started off your promotional with "I'm rubber, you're glue." Everything I say you take and turn around on yourself in the saddest, shittiest way possible. I'm shocked you know how to spell grandeur, much less that you know what it means. You got the 'you having delusions' part right at least.

Thumbs up!

Adrian: You most certainly are NOT "the business," Matty. Who the fuck am I? I'm the guy who's gonna kick your teeth down your throat and make you eat every sad tired word outta your mouth, just like I do to everyone else who doubts me.

Who am I? I'm that guy that's got you so shook you're throwing third grade insults at me. Son, I've seen more and done more in this business than your drugged out ass could ever HOPE to accomplish. I've won titles on every continent, wrestled in every part of the globe, had millions of people chanting my name as I took guys like you to school and walked out with championship after championship, accolade after accolade.

You "are" this business? You held a world title six times in ONE fed, you claim you've traveled the world but you clearly ain't done shit in your 'travels' because you don't have shit to show for it. The only thing you ARE, is a liar with a giant inflated head, one I'm going to enjoy shrinking like my name is Calypso.

My accolades speak for themselves, all you gotta do is grab a computer, or a phone, and google Adrian Tanner Junior. I've been EVERYWHERE, done EVERYTHING you can possibly do in this business.

Again, you SAY you're all these things but I actually AM. Show, don't tell. You're still failing at the most basic functions in wrestling possible. But you're tooooootally "this business."

He rolls his eyes.

Adrian: The proof is in the pudding.

He pauses, waiting for his manager/best friend to randomly pop in. After a minute or so of nothing, he continues.

Adrian: It's not chastising -hey another big word for your five year old brain congrats!- nor do I expect you to conform to anything I say or do, again I know better. But if I don't point out the Stupid when it bears pointing out then the Stupid wins, and the Stupid is not allowed to win. Not on my watc-

Brandon: Who said pudding!?

Suddenly, Brandon Young from out of nowhere.

Adrian: Brandon I swear to fucking God-

Brandon goes back into nowhere.

Adrian: I don't expect you to do anything, Matty.

Well, that's not true. I expected you to respond with, well, exactly what you responded with. It's the typical response of your kind, to blow off the warnings of those smarter than you in favor of your own bullshit because you're too far down the Stupid hole to see your own ass until I hand it to you on a platter.

I don't give a shit that you're not a 'people pleaser' Matty. You are missing the point. You have missed the point so hard it flew directly over your head, blew up the wall next to you, killed five hundred people and you still didn't even notice it in the slightest.

 You attacked a random civilian because you're a child who doesn't know any better. You can be a 'bad guy' and not have to attack random fucking people in your promotionals, its called not being a fucking hack. I'd suggest you try it but you'll turn around and claim to be the BEST hack to ever hack and make yourself look like even more of an idiot. Which hey, I'm not against but I am actually trying to help you here. You won't listen because listening is not something your tiny little brain has developed beyond the minimum effort but at least I can sleep at night knowing I tried.

More head shaking.

Adrian: Matty, listen bruh. Honestly, this is just sad. You're sad. "I'm gonna win because I'm gonna win!" "your move totally has a counter and I'll find it!" This. This is all you got. No, you're not, and no, you won't. You're not smart enough to find a counter, and even if you were, I've spent ten fucking years refining my Revolver into a picture perfect fucking cold-blooded killer. You find one weakness I just counter your counter with another counter and we keep doing this little dance till your brain explodes. Which likely won't take long with such 'amazing' retorts you've already sent my way.

You're not going to humiliate me, Matty. What you're going to do is the same thing Bryan Williams, our special, and I use that word with as much emphasis as possible, referee did last show. You rambled on about how great you are, how much of a non-threat I am, how much better than me in the past you were and how much 'better' than me you are now. You're gonna ignore all the obvious flaws I've pointed out in you and you're going to carry on like you're the hottest shit since someone taking a shit in Satan's asshole.

And then?

You're gonna lose.

Because losing is what losers like you do. Yeah sure you get a couple fluke wins over guys who should've destroyed you and think you're hot stuff, but then you walk up to a brick wall, and no matter how hard you slam your head against it, no matter how much you shake your baby fists at it and throw your tantrums at it the wall stays still, stoic and unmoving.

I am that wall, Matty. I am the wall that stands between you and meaning something in this company and I am not a wall you get to climb, or break, or destroy. I am made of bricks and gold and you are going to run directly into me and stop, full on.

You Shall Not Pass.

He slams the water bottle down on the table in a mimic of the famous Lord of the Rings line.

Adrian: So go ahead, Matty. Keep on keepin' on. Keep being you. Keep believing your own hype. Keep bringing up the one actual loss I've taken in six months like it matters in the grand scheme of things. Keep blowing smoke up your own ass.

He leans forward again, eyes full of fire and determination.


Just don't say I didn't warn you.

Because, yknow, I did.


Adrian: You wanna play like a five year old, Matty. Fine, I'll stoop to your level, just this once.

Anything you can do, I can do better. I have, can, and will always, always do it better. Because I am better.

And at Adrenaline, it doesn't matter what you THINK is right, it doesn't matter what you THINK you're going to do. What you're actually going to do is eat my boots for lunch, dinner and a late night snack. You're gonna be too busy constantly using the mat for a head-rest to deal with "humiliating me" in any way shape or form. And you certainly are NOT going to have any sort of counter for my Revolver, because my Revolver is the Golden Gun. And she





Adrian: Bang. You go dead now.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2017, 05:01:02 AM by RevolveR »