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Author Topic: The Beginning is the End is the Beginning  (Read 215 times)

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Offline Arizona's Most Wanted

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The Beginning is the End is the Beginning
« on: February 28, 2017, 03:48:49 AM »
Voice Over: Some would say the NEXTWAVE brothers are not experts. And that their advice should never be followed.

Those people would be wrong.

The NEXTWAVE brothers are experts in  a lot of things. Beating people. Winning Championships. Actually beating people to win championships and not just having them handed to you and pretending that that makes you a real champion. Things like that, and more!

Also, this show isn't for kids. Which I mention only so the babies out there like Matty Barrows and Bronxy, will know how cool they are for watching. Especially if they actually take what's about to be said to heart and use the advice we're about to dish out to make their cough-syrup drinking lives just a tiny bit more enlightened. We know that won't happen but hey, it's the thought that counts.

What's up, you cool babies?


We open up to an oceanside beach area.

What? That's where all the cool wrestlers go to 'prepare' for a huge tag team match, amiright?

We open to an oceanside beach area, where we find your Heroes and mine, Adrian Tanner Junior and Cecil Kennedy, sitting back on lounge chairs sipping drinks and soaking up them hawt rays and even hawter guys, amiright ladies?

Cecil: Are we really doing this?

Adrian: Let him get it out.

The beach is flooded with all sorts of people: men and women of all shapes and sizes, dogs, children, old people, young people- you name it they exist. And none of them are better looking than the most hottest dudes on the planet motherfucking earth, the stars of our promotionals, the hostests with the mostests', because NOBODY can be hotter than you in your own promotional, am I right guys?

Cecil: ...Are we really doing this?

Adrian: Fuck no.

Star-wipe to a different part of the beach. Cecil sits on a stool at an outdoor bar area with a drink in one hand and a stop watch in the other, eyes darting back and forth between something on the beach and the watch. A few second pass by and we find out what he's looking at as Adrian comes running up. sweat dripping from his body as he slows to a stop when he reaches his friend.

Adrian: How'd I do...?

Cecil: Best time yet.

Adrian: Awesome.

Adrian gives a thumbs up, turning away to cough slightly as he takes another seat at the bar. He reaches for the nearest drink, Cecil's but Cecil quickly stops him.

Cecil: Uh uh, mine, not yours.

Adrian side-eyes him as Cecil hands him a water bottle.

Cecil: What? I'm not the one wanting to make a point here with the training and shit here.

Adrian shrugs, nods, and downs three-quarters of the bottle. He pours the rest over his head to cool down, wiping the excess water out of his face. Cecil is quick to order another one while Adrian composes himself.

Adrian: Hello everybody and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, and Me: a show where we fruitlessly try to give advice to people who clearly need it, clearly don't want it, but are usually too stupid to understand it anyways but hey, it's the fact that we tried that's the important part.

I am your wisest, fly-through-the-air-with-the-greatest-of-ease, pick people apart like a perfectionist picking apart a hastily made five dollar footlong sandwich from subway brother, Adrian Tanner Junior.


Cecil: I am your smartass, voice of reason, bend-people-into-pretzels-until-they-tap-the-fuck-out brother, Cecil Kennedy.

Adrian: And somewhere around here is your idiot brother, Brandon Young.

As if on cue, the voice of one Brandon Young can be heard off screen.

Brandon, somewhere around here: I heard that, assholes!

Adrian and Cecil share a laugh.

Adrian: Before we get too far into it, I would like to thank my opponents in the upcoming Tag Title match at All or Nothing for a) showing up! It's so nice to have opponents that actually try-

Cecil: Whether they actually tried all that hard is a different question.

Adrian: Indeed, but at least they did.

And 2) for giving me so, so, soooooooo much to work with. Thank you for that, really. It's like second Christmas come early.


Cecil: Or a cough syrup sale at the local walgreens for Bronx.

Adrian shakes his head.

Adrian: He had to be on SOMETHING during whatever the fuck that promotional was.

I think what I love the most about it is he rambled off some bullshit about at one point he thought Genie was generic and fake and awful but now he loves her because they're both Wallace Kids so that makes them have some unique bond or some shit... then following it up with the most generic and sad attempt at 'roasting' me and Johnny possible. How many people have made the "hur dur why is his name Johnny EVIL when he's not EVIL?" comparison in the six months either of us have been in this company, I wonder?


Cecil: six hundred twenty three, point four times.

Adrian  quirks a brow at Cecil.

Adrian: Really?

Cecil shrugs.

Cecil: It was a guess, really. But I wouldn't be surprised at how close it actually was.

Adrian: Same.

Bronx, you're right, normally I'd come out here a rip you to shreds but I mean- you're doing a pretty good job of that yourself here. Not with the 'woe is me i never won anything important i'm such a loser' bit, which- agreed. But more so on the, "completely missing the point of EVERYTHING, let alone the existence of Johnny Evil and Adrian Tanner in this match. We're in this match because we are two of only three people actually qualified to BE Tag team champions in it, and if the match had been left up to Genie and Tara versus you and Lauryn the entire world- nay the Universe itself would implode at how shitty of a 'Revolution' this thing would be without us.


More head shaking.

Adrian: The fact that you could claim that I, Adrian Tanner Junior, am 'too concerned with my image' as the ONE reason you're going to beat us is just- laughable. Not 'ha ha' funny, more 'wow that's sad' funny. Bronx, you were one of the people I expected the most from outta this match, given how you are the ONLY person in fucking Generation Nobody Gives a Fuck that can consistently win matches- I had high hopes for a match with you, man. But as always when it comes to 4CDub, I am routinely disappointed. It's okay, I'm used to getting my hopes up that THIS time I'll have an opponent that actually, I dunno pays attention to what goes on around them and then watching as those hopes are dashed to nothingness the instant said opponent speaks.

You in a nutshell, I guess. Bronx if I gave a fuck about my image this guy wouldn't be one of my lifelong best friends.


He points behind him, and the camera zooms to show Brandon Young, randomly dressed as Barney the purple dinosaur, being chased by a dozen kids with sticks, then zooms back out to Adrian and Cecil.

Adrian: If I gave a fuck about my image I wouldn't have started this promotional with a joke about how dumb it is for the so-called 'tag team champions' to do an entire promotional where they claim they're preparing for the biggest match of their careers by LAYING ON THE BEACH AND TANNING.

If I gave a fuck about my 'image' I wouldn't have come out dressed as Mega Man for the Warzone at Fright Night.

If I gave a fuck about my 'image' I wouldn't use a Futurama clip in my intro.

If I gave a fuck about my image I wouldn't-


Cecil: -still team with a slimy fuckstick like Johnny Douchefuck?

Adrian: Hah! No, but yeah that works too.

Adrian chuckles and takes another sip of his water bottle.

Adrian: We're the laughingstocks, and you're teaming with a woman who couldn't win a match if it was an "Only Lauryn Wolfe Wins" match. But yeah, sure, we're the laughingstocks.

Eyeroll please.

Adrian: Lauryn Wolfe, the so-called 'trigger queen' who is really just as easy to 'trigger' as she claims she does to others. But that's what those types of people do. Just say anything about Generation Nobody Buys Any of You as Real Stars Aside from Bry Bry and watch her flip her shit about how much better they are than you, how much more important they are than you- when not a single fucking member can win anything worth a damn, and CERTAINLY not as a unit. You guys had a chance to 'show the world' how 'great' you were a couple weeks ago. It was even you and Lauryn on a team together. And what happened, Bronx?

You failed. Because that's what failures like Lauryn Wolfe do, and that's what teaming with failures like Lauryn Wolfe gets you.

Lauryn Wolfe doesn't care about facts, she doesn't care about logic, she just cares about 'triggering' people. Which just shows how sad and pathetic she really is, and how sad you are for giving her the time of day.

Case in point that 'shit' about me not losing the belt. Never said I didn't lose the belt there, sunshine. I said the Elvira looking fuck who stole my title didn't BEAT ME for it. And she didn't. Watch the tapes. She pinned Raab. She spent the entire promotional talking up how she was going to destroy me and walk out the victor and in the end she waited till Raab knocked me silly and pinned HIM.

Like a bitch. Because that's what she and the rest of your stupid little club are. Bitches and failures. And it's not going to change just because you say it is, Lauryn. The world unfortunately, doesn't work that way. I ASKED for a rematch but Wallace had other plans, or did you not see the war she went through with that other guy you're facing in this match? Jesus do you people pay attention to ANYTHING?

Again with the 'edgy badass' cracks. Might wanna look in the mirror oh 'trigger queen.' You are the epitome of faux-edge. But again don't let facts get in the way of your simple-minded world view. If we lose this match we move on to other things, I've got a win over your other little friend waiting to cash a receipt on but I guarantee you one thing, Lauryn, IF we lose here- we're still gonna be more important to this company than you've EVER been.

The roster mocks the shit outta Generation No Chance in Hell, not because any of us is 'jealous' of either of you, but because you guys are a fuckin group of jokes. Bronx is the only member of the group who can actually win matches and even then, who the fuck has he fought lately? When did you actually fight someone with talent and win? You even said it yourself you got your ass handed to you by Tara. And you're right Bronx. I'm not on Tara's level.

I'm so, so very far above it.


There's the smirk.

Adrian: Especially this Tara Davidson. This Tara Davidson, 2017's Tara Davidson, is a far cry from the woman she was four to five months ago. When we faced off at Fright Night in the Warzone I saw what the real Tara Davidson could be. The Tara Davidson NOT held back by some foolish notion her husband gives any sort of a fuck about her. The Tara Davidson who walked out of that match and bitchslapped Marquis into defeat for the Fate title. THAT's a Tara Davidson I wanna see, one I wanna fight.

But this Tara Davidson is not THAT Tara Davidson.

You've become complacent, Tara. You'll say differently but I can see it, the entire world (except Bronx) can see it. You've sat around for how many months now, coasting along while 'waiting for your husband to get better' and effectively ruining whatever credibility those tag team titles you've held for almost a year ever had. The Tara I saw at Fright Night wanted to make the Warzone her bitch, no matter whether she had to go through her own teammates or no. The Tara I saw at Fright Night wasn't afraid of what her husband though, wasn't worried about the 'Great' JPD. In fact, the Tara I saw at Fright Night wanted nothing more than to get OUT of his shadow, to get out of everyone's shadow.

And now? Now you're perfectly fine sitting back and watching while Genie and Eli march on up the roster in your place while you still spend every waking moment trying to get JPD to care about you again instead of focusing on your own career and your own path in life.

And that? That's the saddest thing of all.


He sighs, taking another sip of water. Gotta keep the voice cool.

Adrian: Hell, this farce of a team with Genie is another pitch perfect example of just how complacent you truly are.

Genie rambled on a few shows ago about how she was tired of being Eli's second. How she wanted to step foot on her own, how she wanted to make her own mark in the books.

And yet, what does she do the first chance she gets? Jumps right in on being Tag Team Champion with you.

Yeah you can say its all about 'girl power' and two BFFs looking out for each other but I saw that bit a little differently, Tara. I saw a shark smelling blood in the water. It seemed really weird to me why someone who'd JUST made a declaration to do things on her own would immediately give that up to team up with someone else, even if they are 'BFFs' and in the same stable. And then it hit me: Wallace handed her your husband's half of the tag titles! Of course she'd jump at that. Who wouldn't really?

But ask yourself, Tara. Really ask yourself. Is she doing all this because she's your bestest friend forever and wants to help you out in a time of need?

Or is she doing it because she, like Wallace and the rest of your Royal "Family" know just how much of a non-entity you are, how much of a pushover you've become?

All I'm sayin' is, think about it.


Another smirk.

Adrian: And while you're thinking about that I've got some more truth bombs to lay on the both of you. Let's start with the obvious.

Johnny Evil and I are not friends.


This would call for a long, silent glare into the camera. Like he's staring into your sooooouuuuul.

Adrian: I know how easy it would be for you guys could make that mistake,  when it's pretty fucking clear you guys don't fucking watch the shows you're a part of.

The longest, hardest, heaviest eye roll in history.

Adrian: Sure you got it kinda right in the second promotional but that first one- woof. And Bronx called US contradictory.

Cecil: I don't think Bronx understands what that word means.

Adrian: I don't think Bronx understands what a lot of words mean.

But yeah, Genie, Tara, if you're gonna try and 'roast' me and Johnny, it might be a good idea if you actually had any fucking clue of what you were talking about while you do it. I know it's hard to take your heads out of your own asses to actually, yknow, pay attention to the show you're on but you might try it sometime. You'll learn things!


Two thumbs, right up!

Adrian: Like how to not be the most contradicting fucks in the universe. In one promotional you throw the same trite, lame insults you threw at us at Bad Company- how'd that work out again, Gen?- and in the next it's 'and they hate each other.' Do you not see how it makes you look like two walking talking contradictions, or how it makes you look-

Cecil: Vapid? Shallow? Incapable of the brain power needed to look away from each other's giant asses long enough to give the slightest bit of a damn about the profession they CLAIM to love to do enough fuckin research to be an active part of it?

Adrian: ...yeah, basically.

You claim not to want to be looked at as bimbos, as eye candy, as trophies for your husbands and yet- you can't even put in the necessary amount of work needed to get the easiest thing in the world right.

And we're supposed to take you seriously as champions? We're supposed to believe you two deserve to hold those belts?

Yeah, no.


Yeah, no.

Adrian: Ascended Supremacy? I believed they were the tag team champions. I believed they deserved to be tag team champions. Because they earned that belief. They went through hell to hold onto those belts, just look at Bad Company for proof.

But Genevie Carlson and Tara Davidson?

I don't believe you deserve shit. I don't think either of you is going to prove shit.

Except for proving me right.

Tara hasn't won an important match in months and Gen thinks the perfect way to train for a match is sun tanning on a beach. If that doesn't tell you where her priorities are Tara, nothing will.

I'll tell you my priorities though.


He takes another sip of water.

Adrian: Here's the deal, kiddos:

I don't like Johnny Evil. If it were up to me Johnny Evil would be thrown out of a catapult into the sun.


Cecil: Soon™.

Adrian and Cecil share a knowing look.

Adrian: But honestly? I'd still take Evil as my partner over any of you fucks, any day of the week.  But anyone who sleeps on me and Johnny E as tag team champions in this match does so at their own peril. Tag Team wrestling is and has been my domain for YEARS. I have won tag team titles all over the goddamn globe, and I'm so good at it I could take a flaming bag of shit as my partner and still somehow win.

Cecil: Which is funny because 'flaming bag of shit' is what they call Evil at-

Adrian: Cecil, not now.

 My name is Adrian Tanner Junior. I am the Arizona Assassin, and I bring the heat like a hot summer day in Phoenix.  Whether it be Gen's asshat husband screwing me out of a chance to beat the 4CW Champion in a match I KNEW I could win, or losing in the second round of the last tag tournament because of Jason Cashe's bullshit, or being thrown into THIS shit show instead of being given my rightful Pride Title match I have been denied title opportunity after title opportunity that should've been mine all throughout this goddamn company.

And I am tired of it.

So if I have to drag Johnny fucking Evil kicking and screaming to a tag team title win over the four of YOU fucking assholes? Then that's exactly what I'm going to do.

But luckily for me and, unluckily for the rest of you- Evil seems to have finally woken the fuck up and I am sticking with what I said months ago when this whole thing began for us: That the Asshole Antagonists, even when we hate each other- are STILL and will BE the best fucking tag team in this company.

Because really, what the fuck else is there?


He shrugs.

Adrian: At All or Nothing, I will out-funny Bronx, I will out-wit Lauryn, not that that's all that hard to do, I will out-wrestle Genie and I will out-'badass' Tara. Not because I'm better than any of you -I am!- but because, well, I can. Because I WANT this more than the rest of these fucks. Because tag team wrestling is in my veins, it's a part of my blood and I'll be damned if I let a little something like hating my partner stop me from doing what I do better than 99% of people out there!

And if you don't believe me? Just watch the show. I know, that'll be a new thing for SOME of you- but really. If you didn't watch any of the forty-five other times I've told everyone I'm going to do something, they tell me I'm crazy and then I do it anyways- you should at least watch THIS one.

Or don't, it all ends the same way anyways.


Gun point, camera, you know the drill.

Adrian: With a bang.

Fade to gold.