February 23, 2019, 01:03:04 AM

Author Topic: "The Weight of Failure..."  (Read 259 times)

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Offline KaelanQuinn

"The Weight of Failure..."
« on: November 28, 2017, 07:02:20 PM »
Kaelanís eyes fluttered open. She was puzzled as to why she was awake. She had felt like she had just closed her eyes. She frowned as she looked around to see nothing but darkness. The only light to be seen was the light of the moon that dimly came through the window. She rolled over and picked up her phone. She had to check the time. When the screen lit up it illuminated her entire face and made her squint. The bright light in the darkness was a shock to her system. She read the time on the screen. It was only 2:15 AM. She had only gone to bed 4 hours prior. She had no plans of waking up before 5.

She put her phone back down and let the light shine for what seemed like an eternity before it finally went out. She rolled over towards the window. She was determined to get back to sleep. She tried closing her eyes, but when she closed them they didnít want to rest. Her body was awake. It didnít want to rest either. She sighed and opened her eyes and just stared out the window. Often at times like these she calculated in her head what time it would be in Ireland right now. It was around 10 AM over there. While the moon was lighting up the night sky here in Vegas. Back home the sun was shining brightly and people were up and moving starting their day.

Kaelan often thought of her home. She missed it a lot. She loved what she was doing here now but you couldnít expect her to not to miss home. Growing up she was 1 of 13 siblings. Oliver was the only one older than her. Kaelan had loved her siblings more than anything in the world. Even when they got on her nerves. It was still like that, in spite of everything. She still loved her family and missed them all the time. Growing up she had done what she could to ease the burden on her Mother to taking care of her and her siblings. She had put herself in a role as a second Ma without ever being asked to. She didnít mind though, until it got to the point she felt she was being taken for granted and advantage of.

Until it got to a point where Kaelan felt like she was losing her identity. She didnít have a life. Her life was her family. She had wanted so desperately to have her own life. Oliver hadnít helped that much. Growing up with him barely being a year older than her made him protective. She understood to an extent. She was protective of him and her other siblings as well. She let out a sigh as she sat up in the bed. Being cut off from her family had done with she knew Oliver had wanted all along. It had hurt her, beyond words. She had gotten free but the price she had paid was devastating in the end.

Her career had stumbled as well. She couldnít climb the ladder of success with all the failures she was having. She wanted to face the best, but there was no reason for the best to even give her a second glance when she was losing to people on a lesser scale than them. What was even worse was the fact Bryan was nothing but successful. She felt like she was getting lost in the shuffle. He was going to leave her beyond, she just had a feeling. His...condition was also getting worse. Sure he could be attentive to her and caring towards her, but most of the time she felt as if he was slipping away from her. It had pained her that he hadnít even had a word to say to her after her most recent loss, but she could have only assumed it was because he was disappointed in her.

Maybe he was starting to realize that Broken might have been right. She was dead weight. He didnít need her. She was just holding him back. She could tell by the way people made a point to mention Bryan over her during their promos. They didnít take her serious. Nobody saw her as a threat. She had spiraled down as quickly as she had rose up. Maybe the Monster King didnít want a Queen who carried emotions around. Kaelan rose up from the bed. Well now she definitely wasnít getting sleep.

It didnít help that before she went to bed she had to deal with the cloud that constantly hung over her head from home. Dylan. Her ex. It was playing with fire and a constant reminder to her that her life was forever tainted. What one lie had done to her. The only person besides Bryan she had ever shared any of herself with and he was the reason her family hadnít been whole for a long time. He would have been the reason regardless. Yet here she was entertaining him, and she wasnít fully sure why. Maybe it was her desperate need at this point for someone to acknowledge her, and to distract her from the fact she was a complete failure.

Kaelan walked to the kitchen. It was dark and quiet. Ri was probably asleep with Carrick so she hadnít needed to worry about the big dog being startled and barking at her in the darkness. She flipped on the light and instantly the room was lit up. She needed a distraction. If she wasnít going to sleep she had to do something to keep her mind off things.

So she baked. She made trays of cupcakes and mixed plenty of icing for the cupcakes. It helped. It kept her mind off everything when she was making sure she was focused on the recipes she had memorized in her head for this reason. One ingredient wrong and the cupcakes would be garbage. After an hour of baking all the noise she had been making must have awaken her brother, Carrick. Afterall she was staying in his house with him this week. He sleepily walked into the room and looked around.

ďKae, do ya have any idea what time it is?Ē

ďCouldnít sleep.Ē

He shook his head at her but came in the kitchen and sat down anyways. He stared at all the trays in his kitchen confused. To him it was probably way too early to deal with this. Kaelan stayed quiet and tried to focus on icing cupcakes and put a smile on her face. Carrick was her little brother. He didnít need to worry about her. She was the big sister. It was her job to be tough and worry about him. She had been on twitter all this time. Carrick had even sent her some tweets sitting right in the room. He told her he wasnít going to ask her something on twitter so she sat her phone down and looked over at her brother with an irritated frown on her face.

ďSo what do you want to ask me?Ē

ďAre you going to get back together with Dylan?Ē

She never expected that to be the question that Carrick was going to ask her. She was honestly wondering where it had came from. Maybe the way she had been talking. She shook her head and rolled her eyes.

ďCourse Not. Why would you ask me that?Ē


ďBecause I see things. I donít say shite on twitter because youíll just blow me off. But I see things.Ē

Fidgeting, he shuffled his feet a bit anxiously. The way she often looked at Oli was the same way he looked at her. Although she had never paid much attention to him or what he was doing. She was the Ďprincessí so to speak. It had been that way when their pa was alive. It had been that way with Oliver.

ďI thought I had done the right thing with those pictures when you first came to America. I thought Dylan was a right cuntÖ but I didnít know everything. So I try not to make that mistake now with Bryan. ButÖ I worry about you and I see things. And if going back to Dylan is what you want, Iíll support you the same way I do you being with Bryan butÖĒ

He shuffled some more.

ďI do worry about you. I know it was a match and you both have personal goals and all. I justÖ I canít imagine doing that to Sarah. You say itís different at home, though. And I believe yaÖ I guess.Ē

Finally he looked up and met her gaze.

ďButÖ if everything is okay and youíre not going back to Dylan then why do you keep trying to get his attention. And donít say youíre not. I can read just like you can. I see the conversations without tagging each other. I want ta helpÖ even if that means just having a bed for you and an ear to listen without saying anything back.Ē

A lot of people saw Carrick and Claire as the dumb Price twins. Claire wasnít all that smart, and a lot of the time Carrick wasnít either. Didnít mean her siblings hadnít found other strengths. The fact that Carrick was picking up on things, and was worried about her took her a bit by surprise. Even more so that he was mentioning it now. Why was she trying to get Dylanís attention? She wasnít fully sure herself. She leaned over on the counter and looked down at the mess she hadnít even realized she had made out of the kitchen. She then sighed and looked over at Carrick.

ďI donít know. I have no idea why I even care to acknowledge him at all. Maybe itís just force of habit. Maybe itís because that recently Iíve been feeling like B is more worried about his career than me. I mean I understand that. Really. I do. Heís a big deal now. Especially to the whole brand of the company we are in. Iím so resentful of Dylan and what he did to our family that I constantly just want to remind him I canít stand him. Then he says things that I guess I want to hear when others donít tell me them and itís...nice. B will go completely silent on me after an event. Win or Lose anymore. He used to not be like that. I guess I feel like maybe if I give my attention to Dylan a little bit it will get Bryanís attention back on me.Ē

He was sitting there quietly just listening to her. She pushed away from the counter and walked over to the table and sat down across from him. Placing her hands on the table and tracing lines as she watched her fingers move.

ďI donít know how to do this shite Care. My whole life every time I even thought about getting close to a boy, or one took an interest in me? Oli was there to shut it down every time. I donít know how to act in a relationship. Iím used to getting what I want more times than not and having the affection I felt I needed. Dylan was the first everything for me. Thatís so pathetic. That was over a year ago. Then it didnít work out. We broke up so many times I canít even count. Now Iím with B and I canít help but feel like maybe the problem isnít them. Thereís just something wrong with me.Ē

She put her hands on her head, and tangled her hands in her head at the roots. The top of her skull. She was frustrated with herself and fighting back the tears.

ďSomethingís wrong with me because all Oli ever did was protect me and keep me from living a life where I should have learned to make mistakes young instead of being such a pathetic adult. Dylan could get distracted by his work easy enough. It was more important to him than me. Now B is the same way it feels like. Is that how itís supposed to be? What do I have to do? Why am I not good enough? Have you seen what B was with before me? Did you see what Dylan is with after me? I donít have ANY ofÖ THAT.Ē

It was a lot to take in, everything that as on Kaelans mind that spilled out openly. He hadnít expected her to actually open up to him. But when she had he did as he had said he would and listened until it seemed like she had come to a stopping point.

ďWellÖĒ

He paused, thinking of how his relationship with Sarah had begun. They had fought and argued and broken up left and right until things had finally smoothed over.

ďI donít know what the right answer is. But I can tell you that if thatís what youíre using Dylan for.. it isnít right and it doesnít work. It might work for a day.. or a few days. But take it from meÖ take it from Alannah if she was here and what she would tell you. It doesnít work. She used to try and get others attention to bother me and get my attention. Sheíd flirt and you know what it made me do? Shag other women. Sheíd cheat? It would make me want to get more even. Dylan is a cunt, thereís no doubt about that. I know the story about what happened with Pa. And itís completely fucked.Ē

Considering his words carefully, he paused and thought them over.

ďAnd maybe he deserves to be hated and used. But you donít deserve to have that on your heart or soul. Thatís not you. Maybe things with Bryan arenít working. Maybe he was what you needed to get away from home and realize you could do shite on your own. Maybe thatís all he was meant to be in your life for. Or maybe thereís more. I donít know. I canít answer that. But I can look at you and I can tell youíre not happy. Maybe you can be happy with who he is.. or is becoming. But how much of yourself do you have to give up for that? Marriage? Heís already said he doesnít want that? You do. Children? Heís celebrated little ones getting hurt before. But you do. Those things are yours to give up if you want. But how much of who you are do you have to give up for someone who was there for you in one bad moment of your life?Ē

Knowing his sister well enough he knew she would be frazzled by his comments. So he stood up and walked over to her and hugged her before he said anything further.

ďI love you no matter what you decide. So does Oli and everyone else at home even if theyíre being complete shite heads. Oliver canít keep himself from checking on you and talking to you even when he swears youíre cut off. You have people who have been here all along. Weíre still here. Youíre not alone. And we love you without you giving up anything of who YOU are.Ē

As Carrick hugged her she wiped tears away from her eyes. He had made good points. She understood that nobody really understood why she stayed with Bryan. Especially after their Deathmatch. They didnít understand truly what he was, and what he dealt with.

ďI want to let it go...Dylan I mean. It just doesnít go away. Itís always sneaks in my brain. Like am I really irrational to hold onto a grudge over him. Maybe thatís why I do what I do. As much as I want to say he might deserve to be used and hated. I just donít want to really do it. Not maliciously anyways. I donít hate that much hate for him anymore. I shot him Carrick. I feel like a lot of the hate left me when the bullet entered him.Ē

She shook her head and pushed Carrick back from her with a small smile on her face.

ďIíve been thinking about the marriage and children thing. I still very much would like to get married one day. Bryan didnít completely say no to that for the record. As for Children? WellÖ Iíve been thinking about that. Of course I wanted Children. It felt like it was what I was supposed to do. Get married and have babies and you know...be a Mum. Then I found Wrestling and I havenít wanted to do anything else. Iíve found in this business Marriage and Children are hard to make work. I could give up Marriage just to not put that kind of strain and expectation on me and B.Ē

It was true. Kaelan saw couples happy as could be. They meshed well and understood each other inside and outside the ring. Then they would get married and everything seemed to fall apart. Kaelan wiped at her eyes some more and took a deep breath as for the children.

ďAs for Children. I would love to have them, but this career is so demanding all the time. I mean having a baby would mean taking off for a year at the very least. So much changes in that amount of time. It would be difficult to get back in the swing of things. Not to mention I see people who go back to wrestling after having babies and like I said this career is demanding of so much of my time as is now. I would never want to take any of my time away from my children. I know other people do it, but thatís not me Carrick. You know how I am with Teagan and Dav. Imagine if I had children of my own? No it just seems like for me that itís not so much as B or children. Itís more my career or children at this point.Ē

He frowned at her. He gave her a look and she knew what he was thinking. She was trying to rationalize it as her own idea of why she didnít want children now. Maybe she had started to think of it that way, but it had made sense to her in the end. She loved Bryan Laughlin. She wasnít sure of much else but that. She could give up a lot for that alone. Carrick had made his own good points, and nothing she hadnít thought of herself.

ďI know none of you care for Bryan. I know you donít understand what happened when we fought. It wasnít him. I know you donít understand what he has but his condition is very real. Iíve seen him change and not even mean to. He didnít want to face me, and I was so mad at him for it. So many people have abandoned him Carrick because of who he is. I donít want to do that. I love him. I really do. I feel like if I leave then Iím just like everyone else. He triesÖ I see it, but Iím frustrated. I left Dylan for every little time he ever upset me. I want to try with this one and not just leave the second things get difficult.Ē

She hung her head. Should she be ashamed of that? No not really. She was more ashamed of the fact she wasnít making it clear what she wanted or really enforcing it.

ďI just want him to acknowledge me like heís done in the past with someone like Sadie. Heís not very much into public spectacles of affection. Neither was Dylan really. I donít understand all that. Iíve always been the type who didnít care what others thought of me. I just wish he would talk to me on social media the way he can talk to me at home. It makes me feel like because Iím not half nude on twitter, or being I guess what most people consider sexy. That I donít hold his attention. I realize I am probably grossing you out. Iím sorry. I was never good at it with Dylan eitherÖ Iím just terrible at being a girlfriend.Ē

Scratching at his scraggly beard he tried to consider what she was saying and take it into account. But he was being lumped in with the rest of their family and in his opinion that was unfair. Maybe Oli didnít like Bryan. But Carrick has been very objective about him. Heíd even pushed Kaelan toward him.

ďI love you KaelanÖ but my thoughts when it comes to Bryan come from what Iíve seen, and how heís treated me. I see a selfish person that wants you to give up everything thatís important to you, or was, and doesnít want to budge. Not everyone in our family hates him, Kae. I didnít. I still donít. I made an effort to be friendly with him. I tried. I was on his side. I did everything I could to make sure you two ended up together. But he doesnít want the attachments that you come with. He doesnít want the family. He wants it his way and fuck everyone else. Thatís what I see and even now Iím not telling you to leave him. Iím telling you I support you in spite of the fact that it would make him happy if you told me, and Ma, and Oli and everyone else to piss off for good.Ē

Running a hand through his hair he sighed.

ďI just want you to be happy. Actually happy. All the time. Iím not saying that Bryan doesnít make you happy at times. But you deserve better than simply at times. You deserve better than when youíre sitting at home with your wolfman statue or whatever.Ē

Sighing, he shook his head again. There was one more concern he felt like he needed to bring up.

ďBut more than anything else I worry that youíre being played. Iíve looked back and watched videos and done research after that deathmatch thing or whatever. And do you know what I found? Not a guy who has struggled with a disorder for his whole life. I see a guy who becomes whatever a situation needs him to be. Donald Trump runs for President and he becomes someone who uses a funny catch phrase. A woman with red hair wearing latex comes along and suddenly heís playing fifty shades of grey. An ultra hardcore wrestling company with quirks comes along and out pops a blood thirsty clown. A man who needs an excuse for his anger issues and his willingness to nearly kill his girlfriend pops up? And suddenly thereís voices. Maybe he really does have a condition, Kae. Iím not saying he doesnít. But you have a good heart. A caring heart. An immensely loving heart. And because Oli protected you and Pa too.. you donít see those kind of possibilities.Ē

It made him sick to his stomach to even suggest such a thingÖ but there it was. It should have been Oliver saying these things. He was better at it and Kae actually cared what he thought.

ďIím probably wrong. I hope Iím wrong. I justÖ I donít know. But I do l know that youíre not a terrible girlfriend. If you were a lad like Dylan wouldnít still be so completely fucked over you being gone. BesidesÖ youíre the best sister I have and I donít think you can be a good sister and a shite girlfriend. I donít think the two could co-existĒ

She smiled at Carrick. Usually in situations like this she would ignore him or tell him to go away. He didnít know what he was talking about, but he was really trying. She pulled out her phone and began scrolling somewhere she knew she shouldnít. Going back, to see what Carrick was talking about. Then she realized something as she was scrolling, and she began screenshotting things.

ďYou might be right and you might be wrong. If there is one thing that I want more than anything itís to have B back. Not the version of himself he wants to be now. I mean...He can be that you know. I understand he NEEDS to be that in the ring, and portray himself that way. I just want to be the only exception. I want to be the one who has his attention. To be talked toÖ like Iím special. Not like a pat on the head like Iím a good little lassie dog ya know?Ē

Carrick nodded his head and she began typing on her phone something. Taking her screenshots. She should really tag Bryan in these. Hell she probably shouldnít go about addressing her needs in public like this but she couldnít stop herself now.

ďIím just going to have to put my foot down to some things I want. Thatís part of a relationship right? Compromising. Youíre right. I shouldnít give up everything and not get anything in return. Weíve been together for a while now. I think we should be able to be open with each other. I understand after certain things it can be hard to open up. I got this Carrick. Iím not giving up on him. Not yet anyways.Ē

She hit send on the tweet with her screenshots. She then went to typing out the tweets. Thatís when she saw Dylan pop up. Of course he did. Why had she followed him again? He had told her he had cared all along. She didnít want him involved. Not in any of this. It was just going to further bring her down and upset her mood. Worse she was being told she was crazy. Was she? Carrick had let out a laugh when he had saw what she posted, and of course his playfulness came out on twitter. She rolled her eyes but sighed.

ďAm I crazy for what I just did?Ē

The easy answer was yes but that wasnít the honest answer and he was going to be honest with her.

ďNoÖ maybe it wasnít the best way to go about it but youíre not crazy. ButÖ thereís something youíre missing in all of this.Ē

Something Eli had said to him a number of times when he and Sarah had first started dating. And so he repeated it as best as he could.

ďPeople can fool you a little while. But the patterns that make a person who they are always show up. You just to be smart enough to look for them.Ē

Carrick let those words hang on the air. Eli had meant them for him, and that Sarah would one day see him for what he had believe Carrick was. Of course Eli had been wrong and though they werenít the best of friends Carrick felt fairly certain that those patterns that Eli looked for were beginning to work in his favor.

ďI donít think you should give up on Bryan yet either. ButÖ maybe start looking for those patterns. AndÖ figure out why you canít seem to stop with Dylan. Or let the guy do what he wants to do for gods sake.Ē

She smirked for a second and wiped it away from her face. He was right. She needed to figure out all her shit. She wasnít ready to give up on Bryan because when they were alone he was different. He ran his fingers through her hair, she could lay on him on the couch and
be as affectionate as ever with her. She understood why he didnít want anyone to really know. They could consider it a weakness for him. He cared about her she knew it. Just at what level she wasnít entirely sure. She wanted to know. She felt she shouldnít have a doubt in her mind.

She had other things on her mind. Her career and all the blame she put on others. Sure she took some of the blame and felt her skills werenít always where they should be, but she let others carry the weight of her failures as well.

ďI need to stop blaming everyone else though. I blame Dylan, Oli, and Bryan for my shortcomings and thatís probably why Iím failing. I blame Oli for cutting me off and distracting me. I blame Bryan for not giving me enough affection and attention. I blame Dylan for causing the rift in my life altogether. I need to get over that. Maybe thatís why Iím really failing. I donít want to prove Oli right. That I canít do this on my own. That I donít belong here. I want to belong here...but Carrick. Iím homesick. Oli is winning this battle. The more I fail the more I just see him as being right. Sometimes I wonder if I should just go back home, and then I realize Dylan is there and that alone is enough for me to want to stay. The last time we went home I was so afraid Iíd run into him I just wanted to hide and never leave. Thatís no way to live.Ē

He shook his head and laughed to himself. She really didnít know what the hell she wanted. She fought for Dylanís attention, supposedly to draw Bryanís attention. But then in another breath she said she stayed away because she didnít want to see Dylan. Even if she didnít recognize her own uncertainty. He did. But he kept quiet about it.

ďDo you really think Oli wants to win? I know what he says. But he says that shite and then if what Dylan says is true he sits and watches all your matches and is probably living and dying right along with your success or failure. What has Oli always preached? Family first, right? You think that suddenly changed? I think, if you got past your anger at him, you might see that he wants you to be successful on your own, but also see that youíre even stronger with your family. We all are. Trust meÖ I know more than anyone elseÖĒ

His head lowered and his voice fell to just above a whisper.

ďYou all miss Claire. It hurt the rest of you when she died. But a piece of me died right along with her. If you ask me thatís what I think Oli is feeling. You two were always close.. like Claire and I. But then againÖ what do I know. Claire and I were always the dumb ones. But I donít think any of this is about winning or losing. Not for Oli anyway.Ē

She thought about what he said. She never thought of it that way. Not at all. She knew what Carrick was talking about. When Oli had turned his back and said he was done with her because she wasnít leaving Bryan it had devastated her. Cut her deep to the bone honestly. He was her best friend growing up and he had always been there for her, and now she didnít have him. They were very close in age, and a lot of people did treat them like Claire and Carrick in regards to how they were treated and put together for everything.

ďI never thought of it that way. I know how it made me feel when I got out of the hospital and he told me that he was done. I was cut off from the family. I thought it was the most devastating I couldnít have my family. I couldnít talk to them. Nothing hurt me more than being cut off from Teagan...and Oli too. Heís always been my best friend. All he wants though is me to leave Bryan. He thinks Iím picking him over my family and itís not true. B has never once said I canít pick my family, or be around any of you. Iím here now right? I dropped everything to be there when Claire died. I failed her Carrick, and I owe you an apology for that more than anyone.Ē

She hugged Carrick she knew he wouldnít want to talk about it, but she had to get it out anyways.

ďI didnít blow her off because of Bryan though. I just kinda felt like she was my pesky younger sister, and I should have never done that. Iím sorry. Iíll never do that again, and I shouldnít have realized that too late. I just want my family back. I want my best friend backÖ I just want to find a happy balance where I can have everything.Ē

ďI donít want to talk about Claire.Ē

That was a conversation he immediately shut down. She was not a subject he was willing to discuss. With anyone. Even Sarah had a hard time prying details from him about her anymore.

ďAnd maybe Oli made you choose so that you wouldnít have to know what itís like to have to person youíre with tell you to choose. Or maybe for some other reason. But Oli has never done anything that he thought would hurt you. Everyone else? He could give two shites about. But youÖ heíd be hated by you before he ever didnít do everything he could to protect you from feeling hurt, or sad, or anything bad really.Ē

A bit sadly he laughed.

ďThatís coming from a brother who he and ma couldnít give two shites about. From a brother who would never be told to choose because they wouldnít give a shite what I chose.Ē

Pushing himself away, Carrick turned his back to her.

ďThatís all Iíve got to say about any of it.Ē

She considered what Carrick had said. He thought Ma didnít care but she knew better. Their Ma had not just wanted Kaelan back home. She had wanted Carrick and Claire back home just as much. He had to know that. She could see how he might feel that way. Thirteen Children a few had to get lost in the shuffle. After seeing what Etain was sending her ex? It was clear to her that was evident. She had thought Oli had cut her off because he wasnít too keen on having outsiders involved. Anyone who wasnít Irish to their Ma and Oli wasnít worth a fuck. Stick to your own was the way they thought. Kaelan was just nice to everyone and didnít care where they came from.

She definitely wasnít just going to give up Bryan because someone said she needed to. She would only give him up if he told her he didnít want her. That he didnít care, or that their relationship just wasnít working. There was always the fact if he ever hurt her physically somewhere outside of a wrestling ring. She wouldnít stay with him then. That wasnít for her protection though. It was for his own. She sighed. Carrick needed to know the truth.

ďMa loves you very much, and cares a lot about you. She didnít just want me to come home. She was yelling just as much about you coming home. She still is. She blames Oli for it too. I know with all of us itís not always easy to know where you stand but Ma loves you, and I love you very much and Iím sorry about all of this. Iím supposed to listen to you and keep it altogether as your big sis, but thanks. I know we havenít always been really close but Iím glad we are now.Ē

ďI said I donít have anything more to say about it.Ē

Crossing his arms he looked away from her. She could talk all she wanted about familial love. She had experienced it always. He hadnít even though he had tried to show it. But he was a Price. He would always be a Price. And he would never betray a Price.

ďIs there anything else you need or can we go to work now?Ē

She smiled and rose up from her seat. She ruffled his hair and he pushed her away from him as she went to head out of the kitchen.

ďYeah let me just get my bag. Donít worry. Iíll clean this mess up when we get back.Ē

She indicated to the mess she had made out of Carrickís kitchen. He knew she would clean it up and it would look spotless by the time she was done with it. She felt a bit better getting everything off her chest. She had never thought Carrick would be a good ear, but he actually was. He had made good points and she was going to do what she needed to do to take care of herself. To give herself peace of mind. It started with fixing the mess she felt she had made with her brother Oliver. She needed to fix her relationship. There wasnít a lot wrong with it in her eyes, but it was enough to make people talk. To make people try to use it against her and they were winning and she was losing. She was going to turn this around. She had to. For now, she would just enjoy her time with her brother for the week she was there. They both had big events coming up this weekend and it was important to them both for them to come out with wins. Time to get their heads in the game, and just pretend this conversation didnít happen.