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Author Topic: Super Mariano and the Non Canon False Narrative Express  (Read 45 times)

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Offline Buzz Jacobs

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Super Mariano and the Non Canon False Narrative Express
« on: November 09, 2018, 12:17:50 AM »
>>The domicile of a world traveler is often the most depressing possession they have. While hours may be spent travelling in a car, on a plane, in a hotel room, rarely does the weary traveler find themselves anchored down to one place for a prolonged period of time. But as a wise man once said, they never stop sending those gimmicks in the mail called bills. As such, one must have a place for bills to be sent.<<

>>So we now find ourselves inside a room made to feel cavernous simply by the lack of objects filling the space. A dark television mounted onto a wall, adjacent to a sliding glass door overlooking a lush courtyard. A plush leather couch, with Buzz Jacobs seated in the center, his expression curled into a bemused smirk as looked down at the screen of his phone. Sitting before him is a small table, decorated with just a bottle of whiskey.<<

>>As Buzz reaches for the bottle in front of him, his phone begins to vibrate, the buzzing noise grabbing his attention.[/i]<<

Buzz Jacobs: “Well, I didn’t expect to hear from you today.”

? ? ?: “Where are you, Josh? I saw you came back stateside.”

>>On the other end of the line was Mark Jacobs. The oldest of the three Jacobs brothers. Mark had been brought up in the ring just as Buzz and the youngest brother Sean had been. But Mark had seemed to be the least driven to succeed of the three. Eventually leaving the ring to make a career for himself.

Buzz Jacobs: “What does it matter, Mark? I’m fine. I’m working. I’ll be in Baltimore Monday if you feel compelled to track me down.”

Mark Jacobs: “I heard about Mexico City. You beat up some kid because you lost your match? What the fuck, Josh? Did you get blitzed and pick another fight? You can’t keep buying your way out of these situations.”

>>A smile crept across Buzz’s face. The dirt sheets love to make a big deal out of nothing, don’t they? But hey, “journalists” need to make a living too, right? It would turn out someone spotted Buzz trying to diffuse the situation with a fan who decided to make things personal in the hopes of provoking Buzz.<<

Buzz Jacobs: “Someone mouthed off. I told them to shut the fuck up, and I went back to my hotel, Mark. I don’t need you to parent me, I’m a fucking adult.”

>>Anger rose in Buzz’s chest as he heard his brother scoff in the background.<<

Mark Jacobs: “At what point in your life have you EVER been an adult, Josh? The only thing you’ve ever been dedicated to a wrestling ring. Literally you have spent your whole goddamn life trying to avoid being anything like an adult. I bet you’re still sitting in some apartment you paid for a year upfront so you don’t have to remember to pay on a monthly basis, with just a couch, a coffee table, a bed, and a TV you ordered online.”

>>Buzz chuckled to himself as the accuracy of the description.<<

Buzz Jacobs: “Look man. I’m not just going to spend money to spend money. I’m here three or four days a month. I’ve got enough to get by. Does this conversation have a fucking point, or can I start drinking now?”

Mark Jacobs: “That’s the whole point, Josh. We’re worried about you. We never see you or hear from you. If it weren’t for my fucking dentist telling me he saw an article about you getting in a bar fight in Mexico we wouldn’t even be talking now. You need to get your shit together.”

Buzz Jacobs: “Look, Mark. I think it’s super cool that you decided to give up on the family business and go be a normal fucking human and sell insurance or whatever the fuck it is you do. But I’ve got TV on Monday and a flight to catch in the morning, so if you could politely go fuck yourself, I’ll talk to you next time I strangle some moron.”

>>Buzz tapped the red symbol to bring the call to an ending. He lowered the phone, before pausing momentarily. He shrugged his shoulders, before opening up the social media app that does not pay him money to advertise in this format, so therefore will not be mentioned by name. And just as was becoming habit, a couple clicks would find our hero(?) broadcasting himself to the world.<<

Buzz Jacobs: “Mariano my friend, it seems we've reached a unique point in our relationship. You seem to think I'm nothing more than a useless alcoholic and that my, let’s call it, dependence on alcohol somehow is making me less of a person or at least less than you? Which is where my confusion kicks in when it comes to our our dealings. You see, I may enjoy a drink after I bust my ass inside of the ring and I've been known to have been drunk a time or two in my day but unlike yourself, I’ve never been delusional.

“You seem to have yourself convinced that I wrestled for some 3rd string company in 2015 but in 2015 I lived in Kobe Japan an apartment that was probably the size of my kitchen right now. So while you want to talk about some company I've never heard of you also want to claim that I'm the one who is making up my background. Well hell, kid. Iit seems I don't need to fabricate my own biography, it sure as hell looks like I found myself a perfectly capable biographer in you. Well I understand some of the things that I've said to you may have hurt your feelings, but even you had to admit  nothing I’ve said was a lie. But unfortunately, you can’t say that, can you?”

>>Buzz rubs his chin, a sarcastic grin spreading on his face. Or as sarcastic as a look can be? Can facial expressions be sarcastic? If so, this is it.<<

Buzz Jacobs: “And you want to talk about what I may or may not have the right to say, but you can claim whatever you want about my past? You can doubt my history if you want. I still come from one of the finest pedigrees in professional wrestling. And whether you doubt  the factuality of me having wrestled in front of thousands upon thousands of fans the fact remains that I've been in a wrestling ring probably longer than you even been aware of what wrestling is. I've said this before but it apparently needs repeating, especially given our current situation. I've been in a wrestling ring since I first learned to walk.

“I didn't get introduced to this business because I saw it on a video game. I have been hands on in the ring, on the ropes, around the whole damn business as long as I have been able to breathe. So while you may be a great guy outside of this ring, and I'm sure your friends think you're just a swell dude who's fun to play video games with, but that means nothing to me. But me? I’m not a good friend who is fun to hang out with. Outside of the ring my life's a dumpster fire, man. My family hates me, I hate my family. My father was patient zero for the painkiller epidemic in this business. And you know what I'm probably inching closer and closer and closer to being the next tragic story in professional wrestling. I mean, hell the first thing I want to do when I get done recording this promo is to start drinking this bottle on the other side of my phone.”

>>Buzz shrugs his shoulders. Shoot promos are still cool right?<<

Buzz Jacobs: “Outside of the ring you're 100% right. I am a waste of space. I'm f****** useless buddy. The only thing I focus on when I'm not in the ring is hitting the gym, eating the right meals, and having a goddamn drink. I don't come home to a wife and kids. I don't have feelings like an enthusiasm for cars or model f****** boats or cooking fine French cuisine. The ONLY thing I have, the ONLY thing I believe in and the ONE thing that ignites any kind of fire in my heart is wrestling. So if you want to fabricate some story about some company you seem to think that I was in go for it, kid.

 “The fact remains, I don't need you to make s*** up to make it look like my life is s***. My life IS s***. But you know what, Super Mariano? I've got a s*** ton of money. I've got nobody to spend it on I don't need to be here in 4CW. In my career I've collected enough cash that I could retire tomorrow and live like a king for the rest of my f****** life.”

>>”Buzz leans back on the couch, switching the hands he was holding his phone in.<<

Buzz Jacobs: “So if you want to question my passion, go ahead. But I'm not here for a paycheck. I mean, I took a pay cut probably greater than what you make in a year to come to 4CW.  I am here because the only thing in my life that matters, the one and only thing that matters is wrestling. But just like I said before, and just like I'll continue to say until the last fall of the referee's hand, you are a loser. In my eyes the only thing that matters is what happens in that ring.

“You know what’s funny, Mariano? I actually was going to have a little bit of compassion for you. I respected your perseverance and your no-quit attitude enough that I was just going to be there to have a nice athletic contest between two competitors. But if there's one thing I hate more than sobriety it's a liar. So regardless of your modern-day Rick Bognar act, I was going to just have a wrestling match, try my hardest, do my best, and look to leave the ring richer for the experience but without crushing anybodies soul. But then you had to go and make s*** up Mariano. Why do you have to do this to me?”

>>Buzz shakes his head, as he reaches for the bottle in front of him, tucking it under his arm as he uses his free hand to unscrew the cap.<<

 Buzz Jacobs: “So win, lose, or draw, I'm going to have to find you when this match is done and I'm going to have to inflict great bodily harm to your extremities. I'm going to have to track you down like an animal and I'm going to have to make you hurt. Now, because you decided to speak out of your ass I'm going to have to put my boot in it.

“I do think it's adorable that I’m in your head to the point that you feel you need to reply to me in line item fashion because I guess desperate men do desperate things, and the things you're saying stink of desperation. And I know desperate men like to push their limits approximately 327 times if we're Counting, but be aware no matter how desperate you are, when you're clawing up the canvas trying to escape my grasp you may make it away in the moment but you'll never ever be the same after I'm done with you.”

>>Buzz raises the bottle to his nose, taking in the oaky aroma of the booze.<<

Buzz Jacobs: “I'm not some final boss you can put in a cheat code and overcome I'm a man that you made very angry. And don't worry your stupid little head, I'm not the Incredible Hulk I don't turn into a monster. Unfortunately for you it's actually the opposite that happens to me. When I get mad I get calm. I get focused.  And I usually end up getting even with the person who made me mad. And guess what Mariano? You're the one that has the misfortune of making me mad.

“I don't need a cop out as you alluded to for whether or not I win or lose this match because I don't really care anymore. I came into this with the best of intentions. Hell kid, I could have made you look like a superstar when we both know you're not worthy of the title. And now I don't even care if I win or I lose I'm just here to hurt you.”

>>Buzz examines the bottle held in his grasp.[/i]<<

Buzz Jacobs: “So don't get it twisted kid; You may think you're better than me because of what I do outside of the ring. But the fact is I know I'm better than you because of what I can do inside of it. So eat your Wheaties kid because this is not going to be fun for you.”

>>Buzz raises the bottle of whiskey, as though making a toast.<<

Buzz Jacobs: “And I'll drink to that.”